God is dead! You've killed him!

Tonight I went out to dinner with Damon again. Another exquisite vegetarian joint in the village. We discussed some really heavy subject matter. First we talked about the media and how I want to make a living out of slandering it. He is really good at playing the devils advocate. I do believe I have a lot to learn from him.

The next topic we broached was religion. This discussion lasted for the majority of the night. He is Atheist, and I believe I was somewhat of a mix between Agnostic and Buddhist. He made some really good points as to why there is no god. I came to the conclusion that I really want there to be a god for my own sake of hope. It is a coping mechanism. I attributed mostly goodness and and some badness to a higher being instead of to myself and humanity.

For example, I have lead a very privileged life thus far. There are many people in the world with less fortune than I. Who am I to say that other's misfortune is ok because at the end of the day, I am still alive and well. We are all people. Someone in Afghanistan has just as much right to be alive as I do. They have hopes and children and families and friends. Why am I so important that god chose me to live such a privileged life, watching and thinking about the misfortune of others?

I used to believe that there was a lesson to learn through others misfortune. But their misfortune may well be mine. Life is like the lottery. However, the notion of luck is false. I am still struggling with this concept.

However, I have stated time and time again, in the words of Socrates; There are 2 outcomes after death, one being that we go to a higher place, where all our deceased relatives and friends are and we reside there and are at peace. The other outcome is a deep sleep and that is it. Either way, I am satisfied. I live my life in a constructive manner, trying to take with every downfall a piece of strength or a lesson to abide by and share with others. With or without a god, I do this for my own well being and I believe it provides me with a happier, more positive lifestyle.

This change of faith has left me feeling terrified and freed at the same time. Knowing that organized religion was a farce was not enough. I have freed myself from mental slavery. I am so scared. I have to re-think a lot of things. I am now able to be truly conscious. Marx would have wanted it this way.