Two-timing Bitch

So. Philip just told me he doesn't want to see me anymore. He said there are no bad feelings, but I feel like that is impossible. He broke it off with me because I slept with Abhi. They are friends, but i have never hung out with the 2 of them together. I guess that makes me a two-timing bitch. We had an open relationship, and Philip knew I was seeing other people. I wasn't sleeping with him or anything but we had good times together. I am mostly sad because I lost a friend. It is so hard to keep people in my life here sometimes because I want everyone to be so close to me, since I don't have family or close friends here and if I do, they are very sparse. It is kind of sad. I broke things off with Abhi last week but we are still friends. I can just imagine what that lot says about me behind my back. I suppose I deserve it. I have been a bit of a slut. I mean, I like having friends with benefits. Its hard to know where to draw the line sometimes. Obviously if things were going anywhere with Phil, I would not feel the urge to sleep with other people, so maybe this is for the best. But part of me wishes I never got that close with him in the first place, so that he wouldn't be hurt. Luckily I still have Frankie, who I actually am really into. She is the reason why I stopped sleeping with Abhi. I met a new guy this weekend in New Plymouth, Matt. Well see where this one goes. I only have a month left...how much more damage can I do? I am just awful at the dating game. I think I need to cool off for a while.

A Lot Can Happen in Two Months.

Okay, so I realized sometimes its good to get things out on here. I just don't want to feel obligated to do it.

So, I have a girlfriend. All my close friends keep telling me I am jumping into a relationship too fast. I agree. I have only known her a month and a half. I feel like there is so much more I want to know about her before I am committed. Especially since the summer is coming and I am going to Europe for a month. Ugh. What am I doing? I really really like her. But part of me is a little unsettled.

I got a new car. I love it. But I shouldn't have put so much money down. I keep trying to get a second part time job, but its so hard right now. No one is hiring. I apply for jobs every day and still no one will hire me. I am worried that I will be in Europe and run out of cash.

I have an interview to be a tutor on Wednesday in the city. I hope it goes well.I haven't been to the city in a while. Maybe that's been dampening my mood too.

I think I need to go back on antidepressants. I feel that I am constantly worrying about things that are somewhat out of my control. I should be enjoying my freedom, not condemning it.

I didn't get into any doctoral programs. I feel that I had this path laid out, and now I am lost without a yellow brick road. I don't know what I am doing and its time for me to be an adult.

I think I am going to go live and work in New Zealand for a semester next year. The more traveling I do, the more valuable I am as a sociologist because I will have racked up more information about different cultures.

Anyway, I know this post was directionless. I just didn't know how to begin.

Is This Serious?!

First Date?

Anja called me and we met in the park. We smoked a cigg and talked and then went back to her house. We listened to music and talked a lot. It is really great talking to her. She studied sociology and mass media like me, and makes art and has a really beautiful accent. She is from South Africa. She is one of the burlesque girls in that show I went to on Friday night. We talked about our artistic needs, the peaceful mindset in Taiwan, traveling, music..you know..things like that. She is a really beautiful person. We started getting hungry later on and decided to go for a walk and grab some grub. We went to this famous dumpling place with a billion floors and a line to get in. I must say they were the best dumplings I have ever had in my life. They were like, soupy in the middle and had the freshest ingredients. UGh SO good. After filling up on yummy dumplings, we walked around the area and stepped into a few second hand shops, jewelry shops and places with aromatic incense. We then stopped into this place for these shaved ice/ice cream/syrup/fruit things that they have here. I got bannana and she got mango. They were SO good and since its nearly only shaved ice it doesn't fill you up. I totally want to make them at home. So good and So refreshing. After that we parted ways and I met up with Jeremy and Max in Shilin to pick up some souvenirs. I caught the last train home and went to bed.

A Pleasant Change of Plans.

Tuesday I woke up with the intention of getting together with Max to write a song. He didn't pick up my calls or call me back, which I thought was weird, so I bided my time and met up with Amanda and Sway at KGB. I was telling Amanda about meeting this girl Anja at the burlesque night. Anja and I seemed to have hit it off, in a more than friends sort of way. I was explaining to Amanda how she told me she may be able to hang out Tues night, but hadn't returned my text or call. I was actually rather loud in describing her this situation, when I get a tap on the shoulder, and who is it?!?! Anja! I was SOOO embarrassed I couldn't even deal. Out of the 10 people I know in Taipei, it just so happened that the one girl that I had a crush on heard me venting about her. OMG. Anyway, she explained to me that she was busy but would call me later on in the day and that we could possibly get together. I sat in KGB with Amanda and Sway for a few more hours. I rocked out on guitar and gave a sort of performance for them because there were very few people in the restaurant. It felt really good to play for people who appreciate my music. It was like I was a paid performer in there. I have grown to be much more comfortable in playing my music because of this new sense of being I have collected from being here. I look forward to going home and playing at Tula Kitchen (where Kristen works) because they said they would like to have me come and play shows once a week or so. I have to get together a semi-good recording first which may cost a bit of money but I think will benefit me in the long run. I can't wait to go home and get a new guitar that I can plug into amps and start playing real shows!! Anyway, Sway said that listening to my music/sappy love songs helped her out and calmed her down about her current relationship situation. I am glad that my music can help people with that. :)

Tiger Outing

Wednesday I went to interview people with Alex and Ariel for the man-on-the-street portion of our TV show. We stood in front of a poster for 'Addicted to Beauty' in the subray station on 6th and 14th and asked people questions. I started asking people and was quickly shut down. It is really demeaning when people ignore you or get pissy when you want to ask them some questions. But I guess I understand because I would do the same thing. After being pretty productive and getting a few really good, short interviews, we were getting ready to go and one of the MTA workers told us we weren't allowed to record there. Perfect timing. I proposed we go out to sushi after our shoot, and they both agreed. We went to a sushi place and one pitcher turned into 3 and we all played never have I ever. It was really fun. After getting drunk and missing our meeting, we decided to stroll the streets with a different video tape to document our outing, because we had the vid cam. It was fun anf funny. After that we went to Ariel's brother's apartment and watched youtube videos and drank some more. After that, Alex and I headed back to BK to go to metropolitan. This was my first time actually hanging out there, it is a gay bar. I have been coming to terms with the fact that I am actually pretty attracted to girls, but I like guys more. I just like people and I think it would be completely possible for me to marry a guy, have some babies and then settle down with a woman later on in life. The whole demographics of older women dating men is not so good, because guys tend to like younger women. I mean, obviously if I did date a woman she would have to be beautiful, girly, smart and funny. IDK, sometimes I feel like I connect with girls way more than guys. However, as complicated as I think guys are, girls may be even more so. Oh well.