Do the Shuffle

Sunday night I went back out to Brooklyn to wish Anna farewell. She is moving back to Canada after a summer in NY. We went to R bar and had really good italian food. Yep, I am pretty bored of Brooklyn bars. They are kind of over rated. Actually, the bar scene in general is kind of dead to me. The only exception is a few places in H-ton (MC's, the Tavern), but just to meet up with people. I really don't actually enjoy bar hopping anymore. I would much rather hang out at someone's house with the people I actually care about or do something else. Anyway, I left the bar kind of early to go home and start packing up my car. I started moving my stuff out of BK and to LI. I cannot wait until I live in one solitary home again. I hate the city in the summer. It is way too hot and there isn't really much to do. Long island is the best for summer.

Anyway, so yeah I came back to LI on Monday for band practice. Lauren came over and we wrote a new song.



After practice, I met up with Julia, Sean and Jackie and we went to some shitty bar out east. Sean and I kicked ass at beer pong and I got way too drunk. I think we all had a lot of fun, but i actually don't remember all of it. I smoked an entire pack of ciggs yesterday. I can't believe I did that. I am not buying anymore packs. I feel disgusting and my breath is so bad.

Ahh Greenport

Friday-Saturday was spent at my lovely summer escape with the fams. I love going out there because it played such a poignant part of my childhood and brings back a lot of memories. It is weird how much it has changed over the years, but the important things still have stayed the same. I got to spend some quality time with Dad and Jean and got to see my adorable baby niece, as well as my step sis n her hubbs. Good times all around. We went yard sailing, book shopping and beaching,

Me Day

Today started out a bit rocky. I woke up, knowing me and boppy were in a fight. I initially felt awkward, but tried to play it off like I didn't care. I got a lot of work done for PTTV. I am working on some publicity stuff and networking for our upcoming open house. This means I had to search all the NYC colleges and find e-mail addresses of faculty members in the programs for which our ethos is capable of being relevant for. I am actually really excited for our open house and I hope a lot of interesting people show up. However, I am not so good at party planning.

After being productive, I decided to visit Tony. I got out a lot of angst and tears. I have been extremely lachrymose lately. I don't know what it is, but I feel like this is a weird moment for me. I feel like I am all the sudden waiting in the sag of a valley, waiting to climb the next peak. I have been realizing that I have been less than kind to the people that mean the most to me. I feel awful about it. Maybe I have more psychological breakdown than I thought. I have really been manic lately.

Anyway, back to happy thoughts. After visiting my beloved Tony, I decided to go to Borders and use my gift card from Dad and Jean. I wound up getting the new Regina Spektor (which is so profound and remarkable) and Slapstick by Kurt Vonnegut. I had a nice couple of hours at the book store. That always seems to calm me down.

After finding out that Bruce had reaped the benefits of an expired speeding ticket, had his GF over and wouldn't be able to get dinner with me tonight as we had planned, I called back Stephen (who I worked on that song with). He asked me out to dinner last night, and we were planning to possibly get a drink tonight, I decided that would be the perfect idea.

He told me that he was about to go to the shooting range and I was stoked and all about it. I picked him up and we went to the range. He has a few guns, but the one we used tonight is a sexy black 9mm. I hadn't shot a gun since sleep away camp when I was 13. It was just what I needed. So exhilarating and stress-releasing. I have been doing this thing lately where I try to do something that scares me whenever the opportunity presents itself.

After shooting, we went to Tai Show and got some grub. I hadn't been there in so long and it used to be my spot at least once a week when I went to Dowling, so I am sure you can imagine. We had a really fun night. He is totally not my type but he makes me laugh and sometimes its at him, sometimes with him. However, a good times nonetheless. Def helped to heighten my mood.

Urban, Suburban and Beyond

Since I have moved I have become harder and more pretentious. This is good, I suppose, in the competitive world of academia and business, so I have definitely learned something here. However I feel like no matter how hard I try to avoid it, I still have my suburban-long island roots.

I know that most artists/writers have conflicted feelings about their homeland and I am no exception. Even though I have only been living off the island for 10 months, my outlook has drastically changed. I am more able to see the long island population from somewhat of an outside observer's perspective. This makes me want to move further away from long island, into another city or somewhere that I perceive would be better (though I know deep down that just maybe, LI is where I belong most). Maybe its not the place itself, but the people I am acquainted with that make me feel out of place. Maybe I just don't know where to meet the right people. Or maybe, people like me just don't hang out. That can't make any sense.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't feel like I belong anywhere, or maybe I just don't want to belong anywhere. It's not 'belonging' as much as fitting. Some people search the world to find somewhere they fit in, and then realize it was under their nose the whole time. Kind of like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.

I don't know, maybe a feeling of belonging isn't something that is ever stable or permanent. I know that I felt perfectly at home in my apt and like a family with my roomies a few months ago, but now I feel somewhat out of place because the new people that I have met out at bars who once seemed witty and mysterious really turned out to be boring and not worth my time. Maybe you have to actively search to belong or fit in, as it is something that is always changing with the dynamics of the people involved. I am going to keep chasing that rainbow, hopefully move to California for my doctorate, only to find out that the people on the west coast are just like the people on the east coast and I will have to go through disassociating myself all over again.

I found out that I am moving back to Long Island after I get back from Taiwan. My teaching job calls for work in Patchogue, and I do not want to commute, no sir! I am a bit disappointed that I have to move back home, as it felt so good to be somewhat independent. But I guess its for the best, especially since we are in a recession. Ugh, another crossroads lays out before me and I must say goodbye to the old and hello to the new.

OH Suffolk

Last night, Carrie and I went to a party in Medford. Suffolk county is a strange place. You never really know what to expect, unless if its to be surprised. We went to a house/birthday party last night with the most random group of kids. It was like a celebration of diversity on LI. There were representatives of every high school stereotype there. All these creepy guys kept coming up to Carrie. It was pretty funny. Oh Suffolk county. You never cease to amaze me.

16 Again

Last night Sara, Carrie and I went to the last local show at the temple in Merrick (see long island hand stamp). It was weird to see that some people in the Long Island scene never change. The point of our little escapade was to feel like we were 16 again. I just felt old and out of place. It was nice to see some of the people that were there, but I suppose I have let my academic trajectory take over my social life. Part of me wishes to go back to a simpler time, and the other part believes my eyes have been opened and that I possess something invaluable that not many people are capable of possessing. I am also pretty sure that the fact that I was e-mailing rhetoric of theories of my life to a certain someone caused me to distinguish myself further from the presence of my peers.

After drinking beers in the parking lot and singling loudly to Girltalk after the show, we met up with some kids from way back, who lived in the area. At 1, we hit up Wendy's for some sweet, delicious fats. Next, I was dragged to a lame house party in Babylon, where I knew one person and the girls were really bitchy.

Oh the suburbs. I would have to say, one of my favorite parts about last night, and suburbia in general was/is listening to music en route to a night out. Singing on the top of your lungs while in transit is not something most 'normal' people are capable of doing in the metropolitan area, unless of course you are all obliteratedly drunk; in which place its a lovely time. I do love my girls very much and even though I was a bit crabby, spending time with them always puts me in an elevated mood.

Time Well Spent on Long Island.

I had a great "weekend"/ non-weekend on LI the past couple of days. Thursday night was spent with Kim, Billy and Jim in the village. I haven't seen Kim since this summer. Her break up with Ryan (who was in and out of a psych ward throughout his and her relationship) has given her an abundance of time to spend with friends. I am really glad to have one of my good friends back in my life.

Billy and I have been trying to make plans for a long time. I always really enjoy hanging out with him and find him really easy to talk to. The 4 of us hit it off well and had a good time in each other's company. I always get a little nervous when I mix friends, cause sometimes they wind up hating each other and then the night makes an awkward turn while one person spends the night avoiding/making fun of the other person while thinking 'how the hell is Nicole friends with this person'?

We went to Honu, Mary Carolls and the Tavern and then topped it off with Taco Bell. It was ladies night at Honu which means 2 for 1 girly drinks. I totally got a coconut martini and a peach mojito. Their coconut martinis are probably my favorite drink in all of Huntington.

I saw 'the dentist' (this really cute, young and successful dentist I hooked up with over the summer) at Honu and was contemplating going up to him but waiting for the right time. After we went to MC's he showed up a bit later and I finally had the balls/blood-alcohol level to go up and say hi. I held my composure quite well for the amount I had drank. He seemed genuinely pleased to see me. For those of you who don't know, I was kind of obsessed with him over the summer and I think he might have gotten the hint that I was stalking him for some reason.

Yesterday was spent quite lovely as well. I woke up and got a mani/pedi. They used hot stones in the pedi. I was in heaven.

After that, I met up with Kristen at Starbucks. We made bracelets while chatting and catching up, then we went to Target. I got some good buy's including a stellar red plaid jacket (see photo). I really enjoy hanging out with Kristen. It's like she gets me. Really gets me.

Later on I went to Jennifer and William's to drop off Lulu. I had a really great time talking to Jennifer. She is reading the Twilight series as well so we had MUCH to talk about. She is on the second book (just like me) and she saw the movie twice (just like me). It was really great hanging with her and seeing the 5 new kittens she rescued recently.

Plane time...and we're ready for take off.