Boycotting and Purging

Monday was a late beach day. I met up with Eddie, Nicole and Matt. The only problem was, due to the hurricane, our beach wasn't letting people in until the tide came lower. The four of us went to field 2 and made our own nude beach...behind some windscreens of course. There was a guy who was naked right near us, and he got caught by the cops. We hung out there until we didn't anymore, then we finally got into field 5. We were finally home. I hung out for a few hours, after 4. Blair told me he was going to get off his flight around 4, so I was anxiously awaiting his call. He was a little slow to get to me, which is to be expected. I decided to go out for sushi with my beach friends because we had such a rough day trying to boycott public nudity laws and regulations. I got super drunk. I picked up Blair at the train station and totally let him know my feelings and that he hurt me all summer, and that I felt like I was waiting around for him all summer. I cried like a baby. It turns out he didn't break up with K and they are still in the same relationship they were in 6 months ago. I am not going to waste any more time waiting for him to break up with her/be ready/treat me like I should be treated. It hurts so much that I have to let him go because I really really liked him.

After my blowout, I really didn't even want him to be here anymore. It just hurt. I am glad that I was intoxicated, because I was never really able to tell him how I truly felt about the situation, it was always taboo. You would think that after 6 months I would have opened up more. I feel like crap and every song I listen to reminds me of him.

Providence, RI

Yesterday, (Saturday) I was supposed to go to the mermaid parade in Coney Island with Blair. However, it was raining so Blair came up with a plan B, which was to go to Rhode Island to see Ted Leo and the Pharmacists. I haven't spontaneously driven out of state to see a band play in so long, so I did everything in my power to make it happen. We had a nice ride in the rain, listening to good music and having good conversation. We stopped for Taco Bell on the way (totally out of the way but completely necessary) and then we finally made it to RI. They were just finishing up having a gay pride parade so the city was alive. It was nice being there with him, sort of like a mini getaway. Its funny how much more you appreciate a place when you've spontaneously driven 4 hours to get there.

We found the venue and they told us the show was sold out. But we told them that we just traveled all that way, so they let us in anyway. The show was great and the opening band reminded us of the Sex Pistols meets Connor Oberst...meets a few others. After the show we took some pictures in front of the festively flamboyant capitol building and I ran through some sprinklers. We then drove home and arrived in Brooklyn at 4am.

Today I said goodbye to B for the summer. It was kind of sad, but I know I will see him again when he gets back and then again when I get back from Taiwan. The summer isn't the time to fall for someone anyway, I think it must be protocol that the weather be much colder for that.

Happy father's day!

You Met Me At A Very Strange Time In My Life

After the bike ride, I dangled around the LES for a bit before returning home to watch my footage. I had talked to B about going to the movies, so we went to see land of the lost. I was expecting it to be horrible because I had read all these bad reviews, but I guess since I had B and popcorn to occupy myself, it wasn't too bad.

Afterward we made our way back to Willburg. The trains haven't been running at night and there is free shuttle service, but it is always SO crowded and annoying. The other day I had to be crammed up on a bus, next to some guy who was obscenely shouting at and about his Puerto Rican girlfriend. And the worst part was that he was complaining about being on the bus. I am sure I wasn't the only one who thought his rants were making his/and all of our predicaments worse.

After getting home to my fur/piss free bedroom, I serenaded B with some of my vocal stylings and played him a recording of the song I am working on with Steph.

After a peaceful sleep, with a nice breeze trickling in, we decided it would be apropos for us to grab some brunch at FADA. Next we went off to PS1 because I had heard of a really good exhibit that I wanted to drag him to. It was pretty interesting and enjoyable and we had a great time wandering through the halls/rooms of PS1, which used to be a public school. I was really excited we got to see the faux swimming pool that they were setting up the last time I was there.



After the museum, we wandered around Queens for a bit and sat out by the water. We talked while melting/bursting into flames and eventually found the subway and got out at Times Square. This is the part of the city we always try to avoid, however, B needed to pick up a few things, and I didn't want our date to end yet, so I tagged along. Also, I hadn't been to Times Square since they stopped allowing cars in. It was really cool to see people lounging in the middle of times square. I kind of like it, and want them to keep it that way.

B and I had a conversation that I needed to have, right in the middle of Times Square, to ensure our privacy and anonymity. It is really funny how you can feel the most alone/private while surrounded by hundreds of people. At one point B said 'You met me at a very strange time in my life" and immediately, I thought of this scene from Fight Club. Epic.

Quarantined and Kept

Monday I came home to find my apartment in the messiest condition EVER. It's annoying to come home from vacation and have everything in your kitchen, living room and bathroom be in disarray. I immediately started cleaning my bedroom, in hopes that somebody would come over and adopt my cat. Later on, Jason and I did some laundry and then I went to Prospect park to see David Byrne (of the Talking Heads) play a free show, and to meet up with Blair.

There were a bajillion hippies everywhere, sprawled out on the grass, smoking grass and loving life. I finally found B and we went to a diner to get some eats. After a lovely night, I woke up and went straight to work at PTTV. I finished my flyer and then stopped home to pick up clothes for the next day. My bed is sealed with plastic so that in case if Pika pees anymore, I can easily get rid of the scent. Not to say that I mind sleeping at B's house. :)

After a quick slice of pizza and a trip home, I went to meet up with B at Cobble Hill cinemas to see Angels and Demons. It was pretty good, I thought. I didn't actually finish the book, so the ending threw me for a loop. One part of the movie with I particularly enjoyed was how they portrayed the press. The news companies from around the world shown in the movie were always misinformed and wrong, doling out incorrect or incomplete information. I felt like this was an accurate portrayal of news media and applaud Ron Howard for including this aspect in the movie.

24 Hour Date

After running errands for approximately 8 hours yesterday I met up with Blair to watch Gattaca. He cooked me a delicious dinner and we spent a lovely evening eating waffles on his balcony and watching movies. I proposed that we go to Coney Island today, and he said he was thinking we should do the same thing. Needless to say, when we woke up this morning, we hopped on the F train and got to the beach. It was sunny with the perfect whisper of a breeze. We lounged on the sand and read books, while children lost their parents, people flew kites, tripped over garbage cans, played catch and teasingly danced against the frigid waves. After getting a nice sun burn on the backs of our legs, we walked around and got some pizza, went on the wonder wheel, and got pistachio ice cream. We went for a walk and then found ourselves sprawled out on the sand again, reading. I wont bore you with my increasingly awesome times with him. However, I must say that he keeps me laughing, thinking and smiling. After the backs of our legs were bright enough to provide light to a distant planet we hopped on the train home. Blair kept making fun of all the freaks around us and I kept being oblivious, but catching on after the fact and giggling. We got back to his apt just in time for the clouds to roll in. Then he made me dinner AGAIN and I had to leave. Part of me just wants to hop on a plane with Blair and go somewhere exotic or not, where we can explore and hang out continuously for days...weeks...months... But as all of my girly how-to-get-a-guy handbooks say, it isnt that simple and I have to keep busy and use a formidable amount of forbearance to get what I want. Not that I actually have the time or resources to go on a crazy vaca with him at this stage in my life. Anyway, I am babbling. I am a happy Nico.

The Problem with Head over Heels is that You can't See Where You're Going

I guess one could say that I have had a great day. I met up with Blair for lunch. We walked around Park Slope and I found a sweet free book. I wish I didn't like him so much. He told me today that his long-distance gf is coming to the states for a few weeks to do some lectures. She did a great deal of studies on feminism in porn and related her works to Goffman and Derrida along with some other great social thinkers. She is a sociologist as well. She sounds awesome, from what I know of her. I am scared that no matter how hard I fall for Blair, I will always be the other woman. They have a history together. I have a mere month, if that. It is just so rare that I meet someone who I am compatible with. I am terrified of getting hurt. We exchanged mix CD's today. Even though we aren't serious, or anything really, it still hurts to know that she will be sharing his bed instead of me. He said he would be able to sneak away to spend time with me, but we won't be able to cuddle and stuff. I just don't know what to think, all I know is that I want to spend time with him increasingly as I spend time with him. Ugh. This hurts.

Prospects in Prospect Park

Yesterday I wrote a paper and then met up with Blair for Thai food. I know, you're probably sick of hearing me talk about how great he is, but I can't say that I have found anything wrong with him...yet. We had a lovely dinner and then walked around prospect park and got ice cream. Then we snuggled and 'watched' the wire. I know, its cheesy but I can't stop thinking about him. I want to spend ridiculous amounts of time with him. And the best part is, I know the best is yet to come. The more I hang out with him, the more I like him.

le sigh.

A Panoply

I did a lot of things yesterday. It was a long day, in the colloquial sense. It started out with a lovely breakfast with Boppy at Mundays. I got the most delicious challah french toast and we talked about...well...everything. Then she drove me to the train and I came back to BK.

Carrie was at the apt when I got back, we spent a bit of time together, then I had to shower and get some work done. I tried to evade most of my work, as usual. Then at 4 I hopped on a train to Columbia to meet with my anthro group. We had to do some fieldwork for out upcoming paper on infrastructure and technology. We took a cab, using it for its mini TV to locate a restaurant to eat dinner at. We observed the mobile TV as a way of observing infrastructure, then we got off in times square and walked to a restaurant. The food was way too spicy, but I got 2 glasses of wine, so I was happy. I feel like I fit in with my group, however they are all undergrads and I believe, at a different stage in their lives than me. It's weird. I mean, I was never into college life in undergrad and they're all up in it. I guess maybe it has something to do with living on campus and being away from home. But I think, even if I did do that in undergrad, I wouldn't have had the same points of excitement and whatnot. Whatever, I guess we're all different, and I can't pinpoint anyone into any specific group. The guy in my group was talking about all the countries he has visited, I was amazied. He's been practically everywhere, and he's only 21.

After dinner, I went to meet up with Blair at the New Museum. I got lost on the train and wound up in south BK. I finally got there around 8 and we checked out the exhibits. They were rather underwhelming. Usually, the New Museum has really innovative, unique stuff, with a great deal of sculpture. Of the 4 floors we checked out, 2 were solely films, both of which I was not terribly interested in. I suppose the most interesting part of this exhibit was the top floor, or information center, where they had the room set up like a detainment camp in Israel. There were sheets pinned to the ceiling, so that peering in seemed more personal and voyeuristic. There were food items in the pantry, messily strewn about, toys sprawled out on the floor, crushed food on bunk beds and a TV played music and video of their culture. (see picture above)

After the museum, Blair and I came back to my apt and watched an episode of 'the Wire' . I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. It is one of those shows where you have to pay really close attention. I don't know how into it I can get. Hopefully it picks up soon. Next I made hot chocolate and Blair and I talked and he played guitar and I played him some recordings. He is a really good listener and is really open minded. I feel like he's so far above me in some ways. Like, even if I tried, I wouldn't be able to not like him because he's so damn nice. Later we watched 'I <3 huckabees' and quickly fell asleep. The heat was on full throttle in the apt and even with 2 windows open I was sweating my ass off.

All in all, a good day.

Smitten Like A Kitten.

Yesterday was a great day. Not a typical snow day, I suppose, however I did cut my first class. I woke up to find out that NYC public school system was cancelled for the first time in 5 years. I looked out my windows and decided that my 'sociology of expertise' class would just have to do without me. I watched 30 rock, wrote a sad excuse for a song, and sang around the apt with Jason. Later on, I hopped on the train cross town/uptown to school for my night class. We discussed 'The Red and The Black'. A great book, though I only read the spark notes. My teacher was impressed with my response paper, as she had made note of it in class, saying that my opinion was defiant and extraordinary. After class, I had to meet with my group for my anthropology of media class. We sat and talked/planned for an hour and a half, and then I had to do some research.

I decided to take a 'pit stop' at 'bluestockings' (one of the book stores I went to with Blair last week) because he told me I could swing by, if I felt like it. We sat and talked and drank hot beverages and got some school work done. Afterward, we got pizza and he talked me into coming over to watch "the wire". I accepted. We had a really lovely night together. He was a perfect gentleman. The more i learn about him, the more I like him.

N.Y.YOU.

Today I went to a conference at NYU about sociology/social science careers outside the academy. All in all, it was a really inspirational gathering. They had a few people on the panel with careers that I would gladly accept as a supplement to my original ideal career as a professor. I mean, I don't need to be a full time faculty member at a university to achieve my life goal. I can adjunct and get a federal, marketing, non-profit org, etc. job and actually make more money than I would teaching. The keynote speaker was actually the head of the economics dept. at Columbia. I picked up on a lot of interesting and useful advice at this conference. One thing that was especially ego-boosting was that I didn't feel as inferior as I usually feel at Columbia. I met people who were there from other disciplines at NYU and the New School; but I felt as if this particular conference was geared toward sociology students.

During the event, they had an impressive array of cakes and goodies, and afterward there were several wines as well as a cornucopia of hors devors and samiches to choose from. I arrived to the post-conference reception room, being one of the first ones there. I quickly asked where the bathroom was, and wandered around aimlessly, trying not to look at anyone directly in the eye for fear of blundering my speech and sounding like an idiot. I guess I am weird with confidence when I feel alone. Even though I just heard numerous great speeches on how I should be confident with my career trajectory and bust into the business world with a positive networking attitude, I find myself awkward with making conversation with academic strangers. When I am at a bar, it's a different story, because I am not expected to be witty and knowledgeable about theory and names of methods and thinkers.

Before I could count to 30, I was acknowledged by two strangers. Both of whom were cute and academic looking. They weren't ins where I could make conversation, so I opted out. But I guess it gave me more confidence to feel like I fit in a bit more. I then approached the woman who introduced the speakers and made the closing remarks at the conference. She was an older woman with a short gray buzz cut and kick-ass style. She was bubbly and personable and a wonderful speaker. I told her that I appreciated her inspirational words as we were the first two to approach the wine table. We then parted ways, I got some food and sat down.

Shortly after I sat down awkwardly, eating my sandwich alone, a good looking stranger approached my table and asked if he could join me. I quickly obliged him. We got to talking. He (Blair) goes to the New School for Poly Sci and is a PhD student. We sat talking and eating for 20 minutes or so. The conversation widened and we started talking about less professional topics. He's a Pisces and is from Seattle and also lives in Brooklyn.Two other students entered our social space and we all made pleasant conversation. The event went rather well.

Upon leaving, my new friend and I wound up going in the same direction. We kept talking and he said he was going to stop at a great book store in the area which is independently owned and donates part of its profits to aids research. I am all about supporting independent book stores, so I quickly decided to accompany him. At the book store, we perused a bit and then met back up for some more conversation. It was funny, of the two books he had decided to purchase, I had read one and partially read the other. Anyway, I was increasingly becoming more and more intrigued with this cool new person I just met.

He then mentioned going to another book store in the area to search for a book. I told him I would go under the circumstance that he would accompany me to Angels and Kings to pick up my credit card. He agreed. The second book store was pretty sweet. The bar had my credit card (yay!) We continued to walk and talk and I told him that I had to go to a bridal shower tomorrow and I had no idea what to get the girl. I proposed we go to a sex shop. Eventually, after wandering around the lower east side, we found our dingy hole-in-the-wall sex shop. What an interesting first night of hanging out with someone. We came full circle, both with walking around and going through interesting places; starting at a conference, going to book shops, a bar, a sex shop...you get what I mean.

I am really excited to hang out with him again. He seems to be precisely what I am looking for right now. I am not planning our future together in my mind, like some crazy person or anything (haha like what I did on valentines day). I just don't doubt that he will call and we will hang out again, and I am pretty sure I liked hanging out with him for a bunch of reasons.

I am a happy panda.