Postponement and Ice Cream

I woke up this morning and decided to do whatever it took to postpone my TFA interview. The reasons being...

1) I was up half the night coughing. I heard this day-long interview is no joke. I don't think that my 3 hours of drugged up sleep would suffice.

2) I am not sure if I still want to do it. This month long wait period will help me decide.

I sent admissions an e-mail. It is past the cut off for cancellation of interview. However, my letter explains my dilemma. I am sure that they would not want me to come there and get everyone else sick.

I am sure I made the right decision. Especially since I have a 5 page paper due on Thursday that I haven't even started.

Today is my friend Kristin's (from school) birthday. Her 'partner' invited me to a party tonight at a bar in Brooklyn. I really want to go, but I don't know if I should, considering I am sort of playing hookie.

Decisions decisions.

Oh. I had a prophetic dream last night. I dreamt I was with a bunch of people at an ice cream shop. I asked for an ice cream, and the lady gave me this HUGE, multi-flavored, giant-scooped, extra-toppings sundae. I didn't want a huge sundae, I just wanted what everyone else was having. I got really angry, and didn't want to pay for this monstrous ice cream cake, so I stomped out of the store and started crying. It was also raining out, in my dream, so that didn't help. Eventually, I got my normal amount of ice cream and someone else had paid for the ice cream mountain, that was intended for me.

I can interpret this in two ways. But I believe the way that I felt in my dream, is the way that it was truly meant. The ice cream signified work-related things, the amount of effort, time, rewards, and whatnot. I saw myself getting dealt this huge sundae that I was not ready or willing to eat. This signifies TFA, the work is like a huge sundae. A little bit of it would be cool, but to have that whole pile is too much for my stomach, at least right now. If everyone else were getting big sundaes then I would probably want one too. But as for right now, I will stick with the single scoop please. I can eat more ice cream later on in life.

Manic.

Ok. So being sick really sucks and I think it effects my brain in a negative way.

Yesterday I went to Moma with my anthro group and Kim met up. We saw this old movie by Rachel Carson about the sea. Afterward, Kim and I searched for a place to get Italian, but somehow couldn't find anything so we just went to Ruby Tuesdays. We split a bottle of wine and caught up. I love that bitch.

I have my TFA interview tomorrow. I am really scared. I am so sick it hurts. I went to Duane Reade today and got a lot of meds. I am trying to pump my body full of vitamin C because I really need to get better.

It sucks that I have to spend my one free day at an interview. I have SO much shit to read and not enough time to read it.

UGH. AND I am supposed to practice my 5 minute teaching sample in front of people 5 times so I get used to it. I am SO not prepared. I will do the best I can, but I have a feeling it will not be good enough. In which case, the decision will be made for me, and I won't have to worry about making it myself.

Wish me luck...or hope that it goes terribly. Either way its up to fate to decide.

Pride and Prejudice.

I have to have a good understanding of it by Monday. I must watch it tonight somehow.

I went to Jodettes and Barbies today. Two of my friends apartments which are close enough to my own that I don't visit enough. I like randomly showing up at people's apartments. I would like it if people did that to me more often.

I still feel sick. I feel like its post-nasal-drip. I always get it with the change of seasons. It blows though, right now because I actually want to go out, but I can't because I keep coughing. I think I OD'd on cough syrup.

I must start working on my 5 minute mini lesson for teach for America. I think I am going to teach the difference between there, they're and their and were, where and wear. That should take all of 5 minutes right? I don't know how I am going to do this or if I should even choose this to teach. I just can't think of anything else.

Ugh. I am pretty sure I don't even want to do TFA anymore. But I feel like if I don't, I am going to have to move back home because I will be jobless for a year. There are like no job opportunities right now. I mean, I guess it would be easier to find a job in the city, but its also SO much more competitive. I can't start filling out my application for UC Berkeley until December, so I guess I have a year to waste. Maybe I will see if there are any internships. I need to build up my resume.

Someone told me today that I think too much. I think they must be right. But it's better than thinking too little...right?

Practice What You Preach.

Yesterday I met with someone from Teach For America. He basically made me want to cry and not follow through with the program. The summer program which certifies you to teach, he says, is extremely grueling and much like a teaching boot camp. Then once you actually start teaching, the kids are extremely unruly and start fist fights on a daily basis. One good thing I figured out is that TFA employees actually earn their masters in education while they teach. I don't know if I am cut out for this sort of rigorous, tedious, strain that TFA is known for. But the other part of me says that this is my time to put my money where my mouth is and practice what I preach. P.s. Today I found out that TFA invited me to go to a final interview. I guess I just need to talk to more people who have done the program. I just don't know what to do.

Today I went to 2 classes; sociology of expertise and sociology in/and/of the novel. I really have my work cut out for me this semester. I have to keep telling myself to relax more because I know I will not get through this semester if I go about things the way I normally do.

During my break in between classes I read my classmates submitted memos for my 'designs of research' class. I found out a lot of interesting things about my classmates that I never knew. One woman was a practicing lawyer, another one is a certified biochemist and studied the spreading of cancer cells, another has multiple publications, and another student's into I couldn't even fathom reading cause his language was too elitist. I am wondering where I fit in. Why they picked me? I wondered this all of last semester and I still haven't come to a proper conclusion. I do believe I am the youngest person in my department. Maybe my job is to be the sponge and soak up everyone's integrity and diverse research and use it toward my own exciting sociological endeavors. Who knows?

Tomorrow is my day off/day to read a bajillion pages.