Bikram Yoga, Pizza and Beer=The Cure

I have been pretty on edge all day. I always get into this mode where I know I have a lot on my plate and feel like I have to get everything done at once. I think New Zealand is helping me learn to relax a little. I think it was worse at home. I forget how primitive some people are here. I mean, its not like we're so advanced, its just that things move a lot faster.

I went to work, started writing up my lecture notes for the first day of class. It is actually quite interesting material. It shouldn't be a problem to get excited about and produce stimulating lectures.

Its been raining pretty much all day. After i left work, I walked to Bikram yoga where I focused on my breath more than usual. It was a really great class, more therapeutic than usual. Maybe it was just cause I really needed it.

After yoga it was pouring more than before, so I walked across the street to this organic pizza place. I got a pizza and a couple of beers and talked to the 2 guys working there. I forget how friendly I am. I worry about not having any friends, but I think what I am mostly worried about is that all the friends ive made here are pale in comparison to my relationship with Kyle. I mean, Ludi and Lisa are both really important to me, we have a history, I met them both the first week I was here, so naturally I will miss them a lot when they go. However, I think my friend freak-out is more due to losing Kyle.

On my way home, I was thinking about how kiwis are kind of primitive. Its strange, I've been thinking a lot lately about my flat mates. They are all really friendly, but I don't consider myself friends with any of them. Everyone kind of does their own thing. Aside from a couple of rides into town from Nick, no one has really gone out of their way to get to know me or take any steps toward being my friend. I talk to them whenever we are in the same room, I am usually in a good mood and make dumb jokes. I just don't get it. I mean, yeah they all know each other from college, so I get that I am the new girl who doesn't fit in, but no one has asked me any questions about my life or even what kind of music i listen to. I know more about the people i worked with at the restaurant for 2 months. Its really quite strange. I really like this neighborhood and how tidy my flatmates are, but quite frankly, I am bored here. I want a family/group of friends, or at least people to stay up with a drink beers with once in a while on a week night.

You can't have it all.

Where to begin. So much has happened in the last 5 months. I love New Zealand. My career is really taking off here. Of course I have had my moments when I was scared about money, friends, drinking too much, the American stereotype, missing home, missing family and friends, finding a place to live, and pretty much everything you can worry about. This is the biggest step I have ever taken in my life, so of course there is a lot of hurting, scariness and of course growing.

I have committed at least 3 years to living here. This will be a good step for my maturity, depth of meaning in my life, understanding of the value of money, understanding of the value of friends and family, etc.

This country is a beautiful place. People are friendly and I think since the country is so small, there is more of a sense of brotherhood. However, I am finding that even though people are friendly, it doesn't mean that they want to be my friend. I suppose you could say the same for a lot of cultures, so this is not the fault of NZ.

I have made 3 really good friends since I have been here. I have made several other friends, but none of which I call on when I am having a bad day. The hard part is that all 3 of my friends are transplants. Holland, France and Canada. This month I will be losing 2/3 of those people. One of which is my boyfriend.

Oh yeah, I finally want to tell someone significant that I've fallen in love with them and they're leaving in 4 weeks. Awesome timing. I never thought that I would meet someone who gets me, respects me, is intelligent and makes me laugh and who I find so attractive inside and out. I am so pissed that our relationship doesn't have more time to grow here. Of course, there is the possibility of a long distance relationship (which I swore I would never have). But I don't want to put stress on him and myself to keep in touch while we are both leading our busy lives thousands of miles apart. I have enough pen pals at the moment. I just feel like part of it will be, out of sight, out of mind" and we will slowly forget how incredible we are for each other.

I love him. I haven't said it yet. I am kinda waiting for him to say it, since I am afraid it will hurt too much if he doesn't say it back. That, and I want it to be said at the right moment because this is the first time I think I will truly mean it in the way they talk about it in the movies. Right now, at this moment, I can see sharing my life with him. I want to do so many things with him, simply cause my life is better lived with him than without him. He likes me for qualities that I want to be liked for and when I am having a bad day, just being near him lifts my mood exponentially. It's just so effortless being with him, and yet I think he makes me a better person without even trying. Fuck.

Hopefully my busy career/education will keep me busy enough so that I won't have time for loneliness. Get this, I just got a job teaching criminology to over 150 people starting the end of February. I have never taken a criminology course before, but I taught Soc of crime and deviance. I haven't read any of the course work yet, but I think it will be fine. I love getting up and performing in front of people, so I am sure I will make it work and they will love me. It will be nice to finally have somewhat of an income. Along with that, I am working on a research assistantship in the pharmacy department about the awareness and opinions of direct to consumer genetic testing in NZ. It is a pretty rad project which will get me published, so that's pretty neat. Oh, and of course, I am applying for my PhD here. Hopefully by next week I will have my application submitted. I am pretty sure the Soc department is pretty gung-ho to have me here, so that will be cool. I want to do it on consumer controlled medication due to Direct to consumer advertisement of pharmaceuticals and the vast amounts of medical information on the web. I wanna look at the discourse of diagnosis and ultimately the shift of doctor-patient relations. I hope they like my idea, if not, I hope they accept me anyway, cause PhD ideas are always changing anyway.

Woah this is becoming longer than anticipated. But, I feel a little better. Perhaps I should get on with writing in here more regularly.

Cheers!

New Chapter

I leave today for New Zealand. I have a year visa which terminates next July. I am SUPER excited. I will miss my friends and family a lot, but being there and exploring a new life is something I must do now. Life is a journey, not a destination.

I'll update again when I'm down under! :)

Pirate Shrimping!

Last night we went shrimping dressed as pirates. I really wish shrimping was a leisure activity on LI, like bowling or something. It was actually really fun. When we first got there we all sat down and two minutes later I had caught the first shrimp! Those little creatures are so bratty. About a half hour into our shrimping adventure, some really nice man who had probably been shrimping for hours, handed me a huge bag of shrimp that he had caught. That was really nice. After catching, and de-hooking the shrimps we have to wash them and skewer them, cover them in salt and put them on the grill. They were absolutely delicious.

Making Our Own Little Chapters

Yesterday, when Cres came home from work he was really pissed because of some unfair crap that happened at his job. He vented for a bit and then we went with his roomie, Bernie, to get some delicious scallion pancakes with egg in the middle from some street vendor. I am slowly but surely trying to learn as much mandarin as possible. We hung out on the home front for a bit and I took a nap before we went to Sway's apt.

We went to Sway's and I met her amazing roomie Amanda and then Jeremy and Max came over, two of my other new and incredible friends. We danced, put on fake eyelashes, made grilled cheese, drank beers, got dressy, watched vids, took a billion pictures and videos, hung out on the roof, danced some more, ate Sway's delicious homemade dumplings, listened to really great music....its nights like these that I can forget all the reasons why life sucks sometimes and just be happy.

P.S.-We made plans to dress up like pirates and go shrimping.

Happy Birthday Jenn!

Wednesday night I went out for Jenn's birthday. I was still in a bum mood so I couldn't really enjoy the night like I would have liked to. PJ rode to bull at Mason Dixon and we ate really good homey food at Eastville. All of Jenn's friends are so beautiful and thin. Sometimes I feel left out.

Reading My Mind

I love it when you are able to read someone's mind without even trying. Like a unique understanding of what the other wants or needs or is just thinking about. Yesterday was a day like that for me and a certain someone.

Commencement

This morning was my graduation. Campus was decorated with hoards of friends and family and of course a barrage of light blue robes. It was around 80 degrees and very sunny. There I was, sitting among a mass of grad students, soon to be contributing members of society, recounting the past year and what I have gained, let go of, and learned.

I realized I got exactly what I wanted. I learned how to be more assertive, independent, harder working, more competent and how to take initiative in adverse situations. I learned that no one initially feels like they fit in at grad school. You have to work hard to feel like you belong. When you finally do feel like you belong, you realize that everyone in your field is completely different and together you make up the department, almost like a puzzle. I like to think I am an edge piece of the puzzle. Considering my studies and the subject area that I wish to pursue, I am off center, but I help to make the innards come together as a full picture of sociology.

While exiting the ceremony, I heard the beautiful vocal stylings of some of my colleagues, singing the Columbia anthem (Stand Up Columbia). I walked down and out of the college walk alone, while this music resonated in my mind. A couple of tears begged to be let out, and I allowed them. I felt happy and fulfilled and a tinge of sadness as I am closing a very industrious and successful, pedagogical chapter of my life.

Then I went to get lunch with the family at Cafe do Monde. It was delicious and I really enjoyed spending time with my family (as always). Being that I am a little girl at heart and still seek approval from my parents, the conversations I had with my father today really made me feel proud and reaffirmed the connectedness I feel with him. I am really happy that we have such a great relationship now.

My life right now is excellent. I have been getting everything that I wanted. I have no reason to be sad, aside from the fact that I have been packing on a few pounds and smoking too many ciggs. I will focus on these things this summer, and work toward changing them,

1$ Pitchers 1-5

I love sweet ups and friends, and drinking mini pitchers during the day.

This was taken last week. Photo compliments to Carrie's Macbook pro.

McCarren

Yesterday was my one day to relax. I went with Carrie to McCarren park and met up with a bunch of people. We had a picnic of sorts and people watched. Every time I go there and look for a spot on the grass to lay out, I feel like I am looking for a spot at the beach. It is almost beach season! I can't wait.

Today was the first time I didn't bring my laptop to school in a while. I was pretty bored. I guess I have kind of been slacking in the classroom lately, but I feel like it is mostly due to researching for my upcoming papers. I feel like I have 3 jobs right now: Classwork, paper writing and trying to find a job for the summer. I still haven't heard back from any of the jobs to which I have been applying.

I guess you could say that I am kind of in the dumps. I am broke and busy and tired and ... ja know? I am excited to go to Maine this weekend, but I know I will have to get a shit ton of work done up there as well. It never ends! Well, actually, it does..in about 3 weeks. Hooray!

I am just really glad that I have such good friends to pick me up when I am feeling crappy. Last night Carrie drove me home before I made an ass of myself, today Kim took me out to Sea for dinner and Jason makes me laugh on the daily, and Kristen is always down for a good chat. So I guess everything doesn't suck.

See?! Who says writing in a journal isn't like therapy?

Day 2 at Universal.

Today we went back to Universal. I went on a few rides I have never been on before. It was pretty snazzy. I have been a bit depressed though. Throughout the whole trip the weather has been kind of flaky and not very cooperative with my wishes. It was pretty cold today and although the weather is nicer than NY it was still pretty blustery.

On another note, I feel as if school has already begun. Class starts for me again on Tuesday (the day of the inauguration). I have my phone interview on Sunday and have to study and read for that. Ugh. This weekend will be my last weekend of freedom WOOHOO. However, I have this new thing where I don't sweat the small stuff cause its all small stuff. I decided not to be as much as a perfectionist as I have been. I think this new life strategy will give me less forehead wrinkles later in life. Definitely a perk.

I have a fun weekend planned. Tomorrow night I am meeting up with my old friend Caleb and we're going to discuss music. He just started a solo project and he wants me to throw down some jazzy vocals. (See, good things come to those who quit smoking)

Sunday night, after I kick ass on my phone interview, I will be going to Carrie's 2nd birthday party. I believe Kim and Billy will be joining me and Kim will sleep over. That will be sweet.

Monday I will be focusing on getting rid of my hang over, and at night I have a date with a guy who is bad news, err..well, he used to be bad news...now he cleaned his act up and asked me to go to dinner and get all dressed up. I am eager to see how this goes. I haven't been on a date in SO long.

I guess you could say I am actually excited to go home. I won't be too happy getting off the plane and stepping into snow, but whatever, I got reasons to make me happy to be back in NY.

Carrie's Home!

Last night I went out in Brooklyn with Carrie because she just got home from her week long family trip to Georgia. It was nice to see familiar faces and make new friends. I am really excited to move to BK.

On my way to BK, as the 1 train pulled up there was one car that was completely empty. I thought 'jackpot'! Then me and a few other people got on and realized this bum had totally reaked out the car. The smell wasn't even human. It was terrible.

Today=dirty Sunday. I evaded all school work to sit around with friends, watch movies and stuff my face. This is what the weekend and hangovers are for.