AHHHHHH

I am going to Taiwan in a few hours!!! YAYYYYYYY!

I'm Freakin' Out

Okay. So I have been really manic depressive lately. I just want to sit in my room and watch The L Word. I finished moving all my stuff and am thus, a resident on Long Island once again. I have so much shit in my bedroom and I can't make heads or tails of it. I hate it when my personal belongings are in a chaotic mess. The whole time I lived away from home, I have to say that my room was clean, at least cleaner than the rest of the apt. Now i have years of old items that I can't seem to get rid of, taking up space and clouding my mind. I hate it.

I am still really sad about blair. I really, really liked him. I have been feeling like maybe this happened to me because I come off as desperate. When I go to Taiwan I will work on my inner-self and self-worth. I keep reading a lot about Taoism, Daoism, Confucianism and Buddhism. These are all peaceful and work through knowledge of the self, in relation to the world around. In order to understand the universe, one must understand oneself first. I thought I had a pretty good understanding of myself, but I can always work more on that. I think its pretty cool that Taiwan doesn't subscribe to Christianity. I would really like to do a sociological study of how this affects their national mantra, as opposed to gentile countries. From what I have been reading, their psychological, peaceful outlook is incredible and life-changing. I know this type of indoctrinated, peace-keeping mentality is mostly due to the roots of this tiny, chinese-inspired island; however, it won't hurt to try to relate the psycho-social aspects of their world to my own.

I am sad also because I haven't been able to say goodbye to some people (Carrie, in particular). Normally, this may not bother me, but the emotional state I am in is pretty needy, even though I like to sit by myself a lot and think and cry. I feel like I push her away a lot when I get sad, and when she gets sad I push her away too because thats what I think I want when I am sad. I feel like Carrie and my relationship can be likened to a married couple, at times. We are very different and that is how it works. I could never be with someone too much like me, because I drive myself crazy. I know I need to learn how to regulate my mood swings and learn how to deal with my inner turmoil, and I hope to do this. I am just going through crap right now and haven't felt like meditating or doing yoga or anything that usually makes me feel better; and I don't ever want to go back on anti-depressants.

I am kind of sad about losing some of my independence. I hate the fact that I need to let mom know when I need the car. I know this is a temporary phase, but it is still restraining my personal freedom.

I am also sad that the summer is over. However, I shouldn't be allowed to complain about this because I am going away for almost a whole month. I am just really sad that I can feel it is getting colder, and I cannot go to Robert Moses 5 anymore this year.

I feel like it helps to note why I am feeling sad, just so I can understand better, and alleviate some issues. Lately, I feel like all I do is cry. Cry and drink.

I leave for Taiwan tomorrow night. I hope the plane rides don't suck.

City Lights Cruise

Thursday night after packing and getting ready to leave BK, Jennifer met up and we went to South Street Seaport to go on a boat ride around the statue of liberty. We got pretty smashed. The boat ride was filled with foreigners and working stiffs. We made the best of it and laughed at all the people dancing. I believe this boat ride was the perfect goodbye New York city serenade.

Happy Birthday Jenn!

Wednesday night I went out for Jenn's birthday. I was still in a bum mood so I couldn't really enjoy the night like I would have liked to. PJ rode to bull at Mason Dixon and we ate really good homey food at Eastville. All of Jenn's friends are so beautiful and thin. Sometimes I feel left out.

Boycotting and Purging

Monday was a late beach day. I met up with Eddie, Nicole and Matt. The only problem was, due to the hurricane, our beach wasn't letting people in until the tide came lower. The four of us went to field 2 and made our own nude beach...behind some windscreens of course. There was a guy who was naked right near us, and he got caught by the cops. We hung out there until we didn't anymore, then we finally got into field 5. We were finally home. I hung out for a few hours, after 4. Blair told me he was going to get off his flight around 4, so I was anxiously awaiting his call. He was a little slow to get to me, which is to be expected. I decided to go out for sushi with my beach friends because we had such a rough day trying to boycott public nudity laws and regulations. I got super drunk. I picked up Blair at the train station and totally let him know my feelings and that he hurt me all summer, and that I felt like I was waiting around for him all summer. I cried like a baby. It turns out he didn't break up with K and they are still in the same relationship they were in 6 months ago. I am not going to waste any more time waiting for him to break up with her/be ready/treat me like I should be treated. It hurts so much that I have to let him go because I really really liked him.

After my blowout, I really didn't even want him to be here anymore. It just hurt. I am glad that I was intoxicated, because I was never really able to tell him how I truly felt about the situation, it was always taboo. You would think that after 6 months I would have opened up more. I feel like crap and every song I listen to reminds me of him.

Sunday Rainy Sunday

Sunday was Patti's birthday so Boppy, Derek, Patti, Carrie and I all went to Minado. It was SO delicious. Afterward, we went to TJ Max. After that, Carrie and I went to Scotties and watched a movie. After coming home, we watched True Blood and I passed out. Wow. My life must be sounding really interesting. I was getting all excited that B was coming home on Monday, so I called it a night.

Greenport with Wifey

Friday - Saturday Carrie and I went to Greenport. It has been so hot out lately that we barely spent any time outdoors. We had a delicious dinner and played Apples to Apples. Carrie and I then watched Zach and Miri make a Porno. The next morning we got up to do some yard sailing.I got a big sweet black belt. After taking a nap/watching Bedtime Stories, we went to this festival at the skate park. It was really fun to watch a bunch of kids compete and skate around. They make it look so easy!

nerd.

Your result for The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test...

Pure Nerd

87 % Nerd, 9% Geek, 13% Dork

For The Record:



A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.

A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.

A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.



You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd.



The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful.



Congratulations!





Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following:



Buffy the Vampire Slayer




Professional Wrestling






Love & Sexuality




America/Politics




Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

Take The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test at HelloQuizzy

Decent Exposures

After sleeping at Carrie's I woke up to her kidnapping me and taking me to LI so we could get sushi and she could go to her Dr. appt. We had a silly drive and laughed a lot. That song 'Tonight's Gonna Be A Good Night' must have come on the radio 7x during our drives. Kind of ridiculous. I got home, took a shower and called the airport, in hopes of postponing my Taiwan trip, in an effort to miss typhoon season. They wanted $380 additional to change my flight. I said fuck that. So I am still leaving on September 1st. Our friend Zach was having his first solo photography show at 6 in the lower west side, so we had to make that. I read a couple of article's about it, it was on the radio and the news!! I am so proud of Zach! He takes pictures of naked people in busy city places like the subway, chinatown, times sq...etc. Basically, the model takes off their clothes for 30 seconds and Zach takes 10 shots. He keeps bail money on hand and his lawyers number on speed dial. Anyway, the show was really great! I dragged Nathan out, and Kate came to meet up. Afterward, Kate and I went for a walk to get some food. She told me about the new man in her life, and said she had met him on an online dating site that is free to join and send messages. I was curious so I joined last night and have already been talking to people. I feel like a huge dork, but it is so hard to meet people.

Tiger Outing

Wednesday I went to interview people with Alex and Ariel for the man-on-the-street portion of our TV show. We stood in front of a poster for 'Addicted to Beauty' in the subray station on 6th and 14th and asked people questions. I started asking people and was quickly shut down. It is really demeaning when people ignore you or get pissy when you want to ask them some questions. But I guess I understand because I would do the same thing. After being pretty productive and getting a few really good, short interviews, we were getting ready to go and one of the MTA workers told us we weren't allowed to record there. Perfect timing. I proposed we go out to sushi after our shoot, and they both agreed. We went to a sushi place and one pitcher turned into 3 and we all played never have I ever. It was really fun. After getting drunk and missing our meeting, we decided to stroll the streets with a different video tape to document our outing, because we had the vid cam. It was fun anf funny. After that we went to Ariel's brother's apartment and watched youtube videos and drank some more. After that, Alex and I headed back to BK to go to metropolitan. This was my first time actually hanging out there, it is a gay bar. I have been coming to terms with the fact that I am actually pretty attracted to girls, but I like guys more. I just like people and I think it would be completely possible for me to marry a guy, have some babies and then settle down with a woman later on in life. The whole demographics of older women dating men is not so good, because guys tend to like younger women. I mean, obviously if I did date a woman she would have to be beautiful, girly, smart and funny. IDK, sometimes I feel like I connect with girls way more than guys. However, as complicated as I think guys are, girls may be even more so. Oh well.

We Jammin'

Tuesday I went into work to log and capture the Jennifer Pozner interview. Afterward, I went to Cosmic Cantina to visit Carissa and ask her to lunch. She was so excited to see me, as usual. She is probably the most bubbly person I know. She is always in high spirits, the kind of friend I enjoy to be around. The bar was pretty dead and two of her friends came in to DJ, as well as an old mutual friend of a friend and his gf. Being that we were all musicians, we wound up jamming out in the bar. There were two acoustic guitars, one electric, a harmonica and a bongo. Everyone contributed vocals and I got to play two of my original songs. It was realy excellent to play with musicians and be appreciated for being a musician.

Time Constraints

I just realized that I have to prepare to go to Taiwan and move out in about 2 weeks. I am not exactly stressed about it yet, as I have been avoiding the thought, but I really need to get on the ball. I am also sad that summer is almost over and I have to start worrying about real life again soon. Oh well. Here it comes.

Happy Birthday Lauren!

Sunday night I went to Lauren's birthday party. We went to Ayza on 31st, which is this classy wine/chocolate bar. It was absolutely lovely, but even lovelier than the atmosphere was the great company. After Ayza, two of Danielle's friends showed up and we walked to Angels and Kings, where we were told it was lesbian night. there were like 5 people at the bar. How come gay bars area always so packed, but lesbian bars are few and far between? Anyway, we sat and hung in our group for a while and then Danielle's friends left and Jason showed up with his friend Amanda. We left lesbian night and walked somewhere for kareoke. Crista and Danielle left and the rest of us sang a shitload of kareoke. I did Torn-Natalie Imbruglia, Darling Nikki - Prince, The Denial Twist - The White Stripes....I could go on. It was a long night. We sorta closed the bar.

On our way home we stopped for Apple Jacks and candles so Lauren could blow them out. We then came home, took a music video of us dancing to Mika, Jason dyed his and my hair and then me and lauren started on some collaging. All in all a great night. i woke up feeling like crap though.

Crappy Turned Happy

I was in a bit of a depressed funk when I woke up at Sean's. I am glad I didn't do anything stupid and I am happy that I am over my dumb little crush on him. I stopped at Briarcliffe on my way home and walked around the campus. It is such a small school. I am really excited to start work. After that, I met up with Carrie for a picnic at Beakman beach in OB. We talked and looked at the water. It was nice to bond with her, very therapeutic because I haven't really seen her much lately. After that, I packed for PA. Morgan and Brian aka Scottie picked me up and we headed west. We picked up Juliet, Morgan's gf and were off to PA. I had no idea that Morgan's parents live in a mansion with an indoor pool/hot tub, salon, wine cellar that looks like a cafe, gym, movie theatre, basketball court, piano room, spiral staircase with a lookout on the roof, a salon,...their house is HUGE and well stocked. I have honestly never been in a house that nice in...ever. The greatest part was that Morgan's parents were SO nice and down to earth. Friday night was spent going out to dinner, doing kareoke and swimming.

I also didn't know that Morgan's dad owns an indoor football team. They had a game last night to determine if they were gonna go to Las Vegas for finals, and they won!!! I had SO much fun. Normally, I hate football and don't enjoy games. However, I had a really great time. The seats were awesome, and since I know the team owners I got to participate in a game where I won a $100 gift certificate for a furniture store in PA. We got to walk on the field and enjoy all of the crazy fun excitement after winning the game. Afterward, we went to Bennigans, and I got to take pictures with 'the cup'. All in all, it was a really exciting weekend. It definitely helped me get my head out of my ass and loosen up and enjoy summer a bit more. I can't believe I leave my apt and head to Asia in 2 weeks. This is crazy!

I ended a great weekend with a trip to my favorite beach in the world. The water was eprfect today. EVERYONE went in. That is a very rare occurence.

Art and Ambien?

Thursday night Carrie and I finally had a chat. It had to be done. We have been a bit on the rocks for most of the summer. I have just been really busy hanging out with an impressive array of people and didn't realize how much she needed/depended on me. I am flattered, I guess. It is nice to be needed. Anyway, I had made plans to go to Sean's and paint/take ambien. I forgot the ambien, so I went over and wanted to paint/collage anyway. He wasn't up for it. He is a fair-weathered artist. He needs to be induced by chemicals in order to feel like being artistic. I ain't down with that, no sir. Anyway, we hung out and watched American Psycho. I don't know what is going on between us, but I think he is cute. I think he might be scared of me cause the last time I slept over I hit him. I don't remember doing so, however. And there has never been a time before when I hit without being asked. I am a little girl trapped in a big girl's body. Anyway, I think I am going to stop hanging out with Sean. We haven't even had sex and its already a little awkward being around him. Oh well, I tried.

Oblivious

I guess you don't really realize how much someone needs you until they come out and say it. Or at least I don't.

Ambien Collage

I made a new ambien collage last night. I am in love with it.

Moody and Toody

Yesterday I was tempted to stay home and watch Degrassi, yet again. However, I had to walk to a train and take it to work. We had a long meeting for the show and I have been designated to do a whole multitude of mini-tasks.

I found out that I am not going to Montreal this weekend after all. I went into a bit of a hissy fit at work because I had all my hopes set on going to MTL and spending time with people I haven't seen in a while. Oh well. I am going to some football thing in PA instead, but I get Thursday to hang out. I am making a kick-ass collage!

Hazy n' Lazy

Tuesday was another day pretending that I was going to stay in bed and watch Degrassi all day. Then I wound up talking to Jodette, we met up with Billy and James and walked on the boardwalk in Long Beach. We got some sushi and then went to Billy's to sing some songs and jam. After that, Jodette and I got Ralphs and went back to her house. Brian came over, we played the Ukelele and watched 'The Orphanage'. Just a chill summer day.

Can't Tear Myself Away

Monday I woke up and wanted to be completely lazy all day. I wound up getting lunch at Cassis with Boppy. We had a great convo. After that, I came home to more lazy time and then at 4 I met up with Nicole at the Beach. It was a nice, free, lazy day. After that, I went to Brian n' Morgan's for a fire in the backyard. It started thundering and raining so we came inside and played Cranium. After that, I stopped at Nagshead on my way home to say hi to Smally. He is finally moving out of NY. He is moving to Boston, to live with Brianne. Anyway, Monday nights at Nagshead are open mic nights. This means I will be playing there very soon. Hooray!

Men

Is it really, truly possible to have a great time when you feel like the one person you want to share it with is overseas with another woman? I have been trying, but you are always in the back of my mind. Sometimes it helps me through the day, and sometimes it makes me angry at men in general. Ugh.

Wedding JK

I just found out that this girl that I used to dorm with at Dowling got married recently. Imagine that 23 and married. Seems like a totally insane thing to do. I am too busy working on myself to even imagine working on/raising other people. I am/must be so much more complex. There is no way this world is near ready for me to procreate/get married any time soon. It's not like I am immature or anything, I just am not that naive.

I Love Her

Burried Treasure!

Last night I was driving home from 'Alive at Five' and I was picking my nose, as I tend to do when I drive by myself. I was at a red light and slightly ahead of me and to my left there was a couple in a car. Little did I know, they were watching me dig for treasure. Then the guy shouted, 'Digging for treasure' and I looked over at them, realizing that they were laughing at me. I gave them 2 thumbs up and went on my way. lol. Good times.

Drinking Out of Cups LOL

RM5

Friday morning I woke up with the beach on my mind. I went and sat in traffic for about an hour and met up with Nicole and Eddie. The water was perfect and the sun was hot. We took a walk down to Kizmit and I got to see some adorable beach village. After hanging out there for a few hours, I went with Julia and Nicole to 'Alive After 5' in Patchogue. I saw a Briarcliffe tent and introduced myself as the new Soc Adjunct Prof. It was really cool to be all proud of my new job to people I will soon be working with. The three of us girls got some food and drink and called it a night.

This morning, I woke up with the beach itch again and went and met up with Carissa, Jake and Nicole. The whole gang was there when we got there and today was even nicer than Friday. You just can't go wrong with that beach. Today I got a free massage by a massage therapist, played with hula hoops, swam a lot in the ocean, laid out in the sun, walked around with a tiny cup to sample all drinks, and got mardi gras beads. I really don't think I could imagine a better, more laid back day.

The only thing that really sucks is that my mom is pissed at me for spending too much money on the credit card. I am in big trouble. I am getting my credit cards taken away for good and being given a budget for all my spendings. I can see how this is gonna be bad (in emergency situations) but I really do need to learn how to budget myself. This will be a big step into that thing...whats it called...adulthood? I need to learn some restraint and responsibility. It is going to be really hard and I am sure that my personality with be altered and i will lose some friends because I will be crankier. Whatever, my life has been high (in the metaphorical sense) lately, and its about time I come back down to the level that normal people function on.

I leave you with a picture of my beloved Nicole. The two of us are often introduced as Nicole squared.

Reality Robert

Thursday morning I hopped on a train back into the city to interview reality Robert for PTTV. I met up with Alex and Ariel in midtown and we went up to Robert's office. Robert must have looked up info about PTTV because he seemed to be well versed in the ethos of our organization. This knowledge of us led to a less interesting interview, however it lead to more neutral, less conspiracy based communication. Anyway, I think I am really beginning to love conducting interviews. I think it would be really cool if I could make a documentary and travel to a bunch of places to try to debunk some social institution/group.

After our interview, me and the girls got some Korean food and I hopped on a train back to LI. Lauren picked me up at the train and I made a fire and mojitos in the back yard. We read ghost stories and played music and later on Carrie came over. It was a nice semi-laid back evening with some good drinks and some good girls.

Having a Coke and Eatin' a Tomato

Last night I hopped a train out to Rockville Centre to catch Lucas Carpenter at Vibe Lounge. This guy is an incredible musician and used to date Lauren. He plays a whole bunch of instruments and has a loop pedal so that his songs just build and become really amazing and multilayered. It really is astounding. I met this girl Crista, who used to date one of my friends from HS and is now BFF with Mike Del Rio. She is really great. I always get excited when I meet new girlfriends. It is really hard to meet really down to earth people sometimes. Anyway, after the show we went to a diner with Lucas and Mark Rose (the band that went on after)and then MDR met up. It was a really great, laid back night.

Lauren told me this great analogy that is synonymous for the strategy of pursuit of our love interests. They are like tomatoes. You can't ignore them. You have to water them, but they aren't ripe for the picking yet.

Do the Shuffle

Sunday night I went back out to Brooklyn to wish Anna farewell. She is moving back to Canada after a summer in NY. We went to R bar and had really good italian food. Yep, I am pretty bored of Brooklyn bars. They are kind of over rated. Actually, the bar scene in general is kind of dead to me. The only exception is a few places in H-ton (MC's, the Tavern), but just to meet up with people. I really don't actually enjoy bar hopping anymore. I would much rather hang out at someone's house with the people I actually care about or do something else. Anyway, I left the bar kind of early to go home and start packing up my car. I started moving my stuff out of BK and to LI. I cannot wait until I live in one solitary home again. I hate the city in the summer. It is way too hot and there isn't really much to do. Long island is the best for summer.

Anyway, so yeah I came back to LI on Monday for band practice. Lauren came over and we wrote a new song.



After practice, I met up with Julia, Sean and Jackie and we went to some shitty bar out east. Sean and I kicked ass at beer pong and I got way too drunk. I think we all had a lot of fun, but i actually don't remember all of it. I smoked an entire pack of ciggs yesterday. I can't believe I did that. I am not buying anymore packs. I feel disgusting and my breath is so bad.

Some Kind of Magnet I am

Yesterday I went to the beach with Stephen. We met up with Nicole, Sean and Eddie. It was a really beautiful day at the beach, despite the fact that I almost drowned. I am usually the girl to run and dive right in and never look back. Yesterday, the waves were crazy and sucked you and and didn't let you out. It was really scary. I made it out alive, thank goodness I am a strong swimmer.

Anyway, So I realized yesterday that Stephen and I are at that point where he is really starting to annoy me. Our conversations go nowhere. He is fun if I am in a good mood, but he is really like a 5 year old at all other times. He is such a nice kid,like really too nice for his own good. I knew when I started to hang out with him that he bothered me a bit and that I could only take him in small doses. Yesterday I was itching to get rid of him.

I dropped him off after the beach and went to Julia's and me, her and Sean hung out for a bit. I was supposed to sleep at Julia's after she bbq'd and we went to this show at the Brick House. Sean is really really funny. The three of us had a really good time joking around. (Video of song we made up, soon to come)

The three of us went to the show and Nicole and Sal met up. I was worried that Julia's 'bf' Austin was going to show up. Well, he did and I was so out of there. I am starting to realize that Julia is pretty much always surrounded by drama. Anyway, I went home with Sean, but not before I told him that NOTHING was happening between us, not even a kiss. He is funny, but full of shit and you can't believe much of what comes out of his mouth. That whole group of guys that Nicole and Julia hang out with are bastard little boys and really haven't grown up or out of their drug induced coma's long enough to mature and become real adults.

I do have to say, that within the past 24 hours, I had three different guys, who know me well enough for it to mean something say...

"Do you know how incredibly sexy you are?"
"You are really beautiful, do you know that?"
"You're really cute."

So I guess I am kind of on fire right now or something.

5 Year High School Reunion

Thursday night was my 5 year high school reunion. I was dreading it and did not want to go alone. So luckily Lauren came with me. It was held at SideBar in Union Square. There was to be open bar from 8-9 and free appetizers. Upon entering I saw Erika (who actually owns SideBar with a group of people) and David (a sort of akward wallflower throughout hs). Lauren and I quickly got inebriated and as the people started coming, I found myself increasingly saying 'This is SO weird'. Basically all you did with everyone was walk about what your status is now. This is how it went down with everyone.

Them: Nicole Andersen!
ME: HEY ____ ______!
Them: You look great!
ME: So do you!
Them: What are you doing these days?
ME: I am an adjunct professor of sociology/am in a band/make videos for a non profit org. You?
Them: Blablablabla
Me: Cool! Bye!

Lol you can imagine how boring that gets. But it most certainly is fun to toot my own horn. Anyway, I reunited with Brian, this guy who was kind of a trouble maker in HS, who got kicked out/sent to boarding school halfway through. He brought a friend, Morgan and the four of us had a great time talking and we all went back to my apt to hang out after. We all had a really good time. The next day, I had proposed that we all go to the beach but it was really gross out. So I went to Morgan and Brian's and we watched movies all day. They have a ton of pets at their house. A dog, 2 cats, a ferret, a sugar glider, a lizard of some sort, a guinea pig... I brought lulu over later on in the day and she got to play with the dog and the ferret. It was really cute.

Later on, we went in Brian's parent's pool. He has a fucking tennis court in the back yard of the house he grew up in. Our astrological stuff is really similar. It's weird but comfortable. I know, I need to watch out for those gemini's though.

Beachcombing

On Thursday, I stayed in bed till about 2 for lack of better plans. It was just too hot to get out of bed. Around 2:30 Nathan came home and said he wanted to go to 'Dead Horse Bay' which is located down south in Brooklyn, by Gravesend. It is where people used to take horses to a long time ago before they got turned into glue. We walked along the beach/landfill and collected old glass bottles. I found the perfect Ursula the sea witch seashell, and there was a ton of old shoes, broken teacups, horse vertebrae and other memorabilia. (pictures soon to come). It was a lovely day of imagining the stories behind the trash that's decaying on the shore.