Never Good Enough.

I constantly get the feeling that I am not doing enough or that my reading or work or life potential isn't as good as every one else's. I am either on or I'm off. When I'm on I feel good and that my existence is awesome, I do a bunch of important and productive things in a day. When I am off, I feel like everyone else is on and life is meaningless and I spend the day (or most of the day) in bed. Maybe this feeling is a result of being human, in the human condition, or it's because I live in a city with so many overachievers, or maybe its the meds. Either I am on them or I am off them to produce these effects for the most part. Isn't it sad though, that I have reduced myself to someone who needs the meds in order to perform daily functions?

I don't know what to do or say about this paradoxical situation.

I need a vacation. I am going to Florida in January. I think I also want to take a trip up to Montreal in January as well. I went up there last January for 10 days and had a really good, really relaxing and fun time. Last January I remember finishing up sending out/filling out applications. What a stressful period that was.

I also really want to go to DSW shoe warehouse in Union square, Rockefeller center (After it gets all dolled up for the holidays), the MET and the museum of natural history.