GAH! I am so angry right now! I need to move.

Ok. So. I got back from Leigh, a lovely weekend with Kyle, we went horseback riding on the beach, nude swimming in the ocean, snorkeling, wine tasting and ate really yummy food; and I get this text from my flatmate Olive. It says "Hey nicole did you by any chance drink some beers that were in the fridge? mine seem to have ended up empty on the lawn"

I was offended that she asked me. I had been gone all weekend and I have my own beers in the fridge, thank you very much. I txted back and forth with her a few times today and everything seems to be OK. She is pissed that one of the guys lied to her about it. I feel like the second anything goes wrong here, I get the finger pointed at me because everyone i live with has known each other so long. I would never do something like that. I think its becoming a case of me Vs. them and I want to move out. Anyway, I took my meds this morning, and sometimes they give me the D. I must have gone to the bathroom 3x this morning before i left for work. I came home from work to find a note on the bathroom door saying "DEAR PERSON WHO LIKES TO LEAVE SKIDS + SHARDS OF SHIT IN THE TOILET ALL THE TIME. PLEASE CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF-THAT'D BE REALLY NEAT." I think I fucked up this morning and didn't flush twice, usually I am really good about it though. Sometimes I go in there and its messy and its not mine. But I have a feeling that this morning it was my fault. I will be more careful about it. But it was a really nasty note, I felt the hostility.

Needless to say, I want to move out sooner than planned. I just don't really feel any sort of connection to anyone I live with. I hate feeling like a hermit, holed up in my room. I hate feeling like an outsider in my own home. I want out. I feel bad that I will be screwing over John and the rest of the people I live with, but I just don't think I can live here for much longer. I don't hate anyone, I just hate that this house doesn't feel like a home. I want a family dammit. I don't have one here and I have never lived with people that I wanted to be a family with. It sucks.