For The Record

I sent Blair a formal e-mail claiming my intention to stop pursuing him and to initiate a friends only relationship. This will be good. Cause even if he were to break things off with 'her', he would need a readjustment period and I would be some sort of rebound. They have been dating for around 4 years. If him and I are to ever be together, it would have to build upon the friendship which we are building now, and it would have to take place later on, in the future. I guess things would be worse if someone (echem Josh) didn't help me to realize this, and if I kept hooking up with him and romanticizing the idea of 'us'. I am protecting myself. I am being smart about this because I actually DO care a great deal for him, I just really don't want to get hurt.

I am officially back on the market (although I was never really off it to begin with)

Mick Jagger is Really Hot (when he was young)

Today Kristen, Jason and Carrie and I went to this photography exhibit about The Beatles and The Stones. It was around union square and it was great!

Dear Nicole,

Would it be possible to stop eating like a pig every night? I know you need some time to let loose and relax, but why does it always have to focus around food? I think you might be trying to eat your problems, when they aren't edible. Summer is coming. Start going to the gym again you lazy glutton!

Your conscience.

p.s. You can't drink your problems away either.

Radiohead Compositions

The show last night was great. Kim and I really enjoyed it. We saw compositions of Radiohead + Dmitri Shostakovich by Christopher O'Riley. He did an amazing job with the Radiohead pieces, like every note was played. His hands are the fastest I have ever seen.

After the show, Kim and I went to 'the Heights' for their large, cheap and strong margaritas and then we met up with the girls and went to BCC.

My day was spent slumming. I have just been in one of my moods and needed to sleep late. I hope I get out of this funk soon.

One Month Left

I came to a startling realization today while rifling through my moleskin planner. I only have 1 month left of school. Normally, this sort of news would excite me, however I am sad about it. I am really starting to love Columbia, just in time for my program to end. Oh. The grass is always greener, isn't it?

I am Friends with the Jonas Brothers

They have the wrong Nicole Andersen/Anderson.

Commune

So, I think I want to go live in a commune for a month this summer. Kim said she would want to come with. I could sublet my apartment. I think it would be a really interesting ethnographic research experiment, and totally fun. Kristen was talking about one that meets once a year, in random places. I think she said that this year, it's in New Mexico. Karl Marx would be proud.

Topless Collage Roomie Night

Oh yes. I just had the most fun. Kristen and I each made a big piece for the living room! (Mine is the one on the bottom) I forget how therapeutic it is to do culture jamming.

Culture Jamming:
"At its best, culture jamming homes in on the flip side of those branded emotions, and refocuses them, so that they aren't replaced with a craving for the next fashion or pop sensation but turn, slowly, on the process of branding itself." (p.288)

"The most sophisticated culture jams are not stand-alone ad parodies but interceptions-counter-messages that hack into a corporation's own method of communication to send a message starkly at odds with the one that was originally intended." (p.281)

-NO LOGO by Naomi Klein

(My Anthropology Prof would be very proud of me, using my readings to create something. I should show him and get extra credit haha.

Persian Cat Skull

I keep trying to find a picture of a real persian cat skull and I can't. But here is an interesting contrast between a regular cat skull and a persian cat skull. Pikachu's face is such an interesting shape. I am intrigued to see what it would look like without all the fur and flesh that surrounds it. hmm

Coolest Library Ever

Today I had to go to Union Theological Seminary to take out a book for my media class. The stacks in that library are the coolest ever! There are glass floors with lighting underneath and right up against the stacks is a slot, about a half a foot wide. I felt a bit scared that i would misstep and that my foot would get caught in the slot, but it was really neat to look up or down through it at the layers of what seemed to be an abyss of books. Another sweet aspect was when you looked up and somebody was walking above you, you could see them walking through the glass. Talk about glass ceiling. It was very Harry Potteresque. The boy who checked me out was adorable and being taught how to be a librarian by a real life Miss Swan look/talk-aline.

Stay in school kids, libraries are cool!

Yankee Stadium

WOW. They're selling the grass at Yankee Stadium! WTF! That's totally the birth of a new commodity.

The Problem with Head over Heels is that You can't See Where You're Going

I guess one could say that I have had a great day. I met up with Blair for lunch. We walked around Park Slope and I found a sweet free book. I wish I didn't like him so much. He told me today that his long-distance gf is coming to the states for a few weeks to do some lectures. She did a great deal of studies on feminism in porn and related her works to Goffman and Derrida along with some other great social thinkers. She is a sociologist as well. She sounds awesome, from what I know of her. I am scared that no matter how hard I fall for Blair, I will always be the other woman. They have a history together. I have a mere month, if that. It is just so rare that I meet someone who I am compatible with. I am terrified of getting hurt. We exchanged mix CD's today. Even though we aren't serious, or anything really, it still hurts to know that she will be sharing his bed instead of me. He said he would be able to sneak away to spend time with me, but we won't be able to cuddle and stuff. I just don't know what to think, all I know is that I want to spend time with him increasingly as I spend time with him. Ugh. This hurts.

1992

Derek sent me these pictures from our trip to Florida/The Big Red Boat from 1992. Which means I was an adorable 6 years old!

Ottowans and Pina Coladas

March, 20, 2008
1:39 PM

After our challenging day in town, Boppy made two new friends at the lobby bar while I slept. I met up at dinner with them. They were both lovely ladies from Ottowa (Sara and Maureen). Sara is getting married next week and Maureen was wasted when I met her. We hung out with them the next day, by the pool and we talked a whole bunch. I liked them a whole bunch more than the dumb 17 year olds I met at the bar. They were both 15-20 years older than me. Very wise on womanhood and definitely hilarious and not afraid to talk about silly things. Boppy and I had a lot of fun with them.

Yesterday I started to feel sick, and realized that I hadn't made any bowels for the majority of the trip. I spend the majority of yesterday in bed, drinking virgin pina coladas and taking laxatives, hoping that I could get rid of some of my discomfort. It didn't work. Now I am at the airport, very, very uncomfortable and I am about to get on a plane for the better part of 4 hours, only to arrive home and chug 40 ounces of warm water with sea salt so I can flush out my system. I guess all those drinks and bad buffet food caught up with me. I feel terrible!

Pictures of the Resort

Challenges

March, 18, 2009

Today me and Boppy went into town. I woke up feeling REALLY sick because I must have partied too hard on St. Paddys. I tried to fit in with the 17 year olds from Canada, but they just werent having it. They actually really sucked and were really dumb. I don't think I was that dumb at 17.

Today, the tour guide/taxi driver took us around Puerta Plata. People are really pushy here, I suppose as a means of survival. It is really depressing riding around because some buildings which look like they used to be elegant and beautiful are run down and demolished. Most of the shops are closed and boarded up, it's pretty much a wasteland.

The day was kind of like a struggle. I felt like I was in an educational computer game, Here were the challenges.

-Get at taxi driver.
-Find an Amber ring
-Talk down the price of said ring, after getting double teamed and having to stall
-Get free cigar from woman cigar roller.
-Find German man at cigar shop, learn about cigars from him and buy one off him for less than 150 pesos
-Go to gift shop, get followed by annoying guy and manage not to smack him in the face.
-Go to jewelry factory/museum, learn about gemstones in D.R. Click mouse aimlessly at ads for things you don't want.
-Go to san phillipe falls, take a minute to enjoy the view while standing next to a donkey.
-Manage to escape all the locals, selling their wares
-Try to take a picture with said donkey, without having to pay. (fail miserably)
-Go to supermarket-Try to go to bank (inside of supermarket), try to exchange American currency for pesos (fail once again)
-Stomp out of store because youre hung over, tired and cranky and overhear dumb locals talking about us 'touristas' while the bank takes forever to deny your request.
-Go get lunch. Hooray! The challenge is over!

Ocean World

March, 17, 2009

Today was a stupendous day. We went to Ocean World and swam with the dolphins. They were so cute and silly. No wonder they urge sick people to swim with dolphins to make them feel better. We also got to feed the birds. That was awesome and unexpected. The toucans were absolutely beautiful. The lovebirds came and sat on my head, arm, finger...all over! Also, we got to see a sea lion show. The were hilarious and their eyes reminded us a lot of Lulu.

Gripes

Monday, March 16th 10:31 AM.

Wow. My opinion of this place has drastically changed in the past 2 days. I mean. Yes it is still a beautiful place, but some things have made me less than pleased.

1-The food is really bad. At first, we thought it was medioker but the more we ate, the more we realized it sucked.

2-They have all of these restricted VIP areas that they try to make you pay more for. It is all over rated. Also, the free internet is only in the VIP area.

3-Maybe it's just me, but i believe vacations should be sprawling with opportunities for exploration. Here I feel a bit suffocated. I would like to see more of the countryside and somehow poke around this 3rd world country without the threat of robbery.

4-There are way too many 17/18 year old kids here on spring break who are ignorant and stupid. Yesterday, boppy overheard a conversation between this guy from Maine and these 2 bimbos from Canada. It went something like this.

Canadians-"Where are you from?"

Mainer- "Maine."

Canadians- "OH, Where is that?"

UMM HELLO?! Maine borders Canada?!

OK, now back to the fun parts. I have been reading a lot of Eclipse. I only have 250 pgs left. I have been trying to get rid of my tan lines on top. It is hard with all these young dumb bitches around who have major body image issues. But I don't care what they have to say, so there.

I met a really interesting guy (Ben) the other night. He came here on a boat with this crazy scumbag (Kendal), they were servers on said boat and gave boat tours for a limited time only, in the caribbean area. I hung out with them the other night. Ben and I snuck into the VIP area after hours and talked. Then we walked along the beach and talked some more. I felt really bad for him because his mom died of cancer and his dad is terminally ill and he has 2 younger sisters who he will have to take custody over at the tender age of 21. His views on life are very inspirational. I believe the goodness of a person can be measured by how they react to bad things that are inflicted upon them. Of course, not everyone is put through the same type of tests, but with every test comes some sort of opportunity for greatness.

Last night, everyone was invited to a VIP party. It was outdoors, surrounded by palm trees, search lights and projection screens. The music pumped and the top shelf liquor runneth over. It happened to be a very windy night which was not good for the aesthetics of the event. A 3 foot tall ice sculpture of a goat/pony toppled over onto a curious young girl who only wanted to taste the seafood salad.

The food was supposed to be better at this event, but unfortunately, I was still greatly underwhelmed. The sad excuse they have for sushi is dry and ginger-less and lacks flavor and zest. The deserts are dry, the deafood is overcooked, the wine is wattery, the champagne is pungent in all the wrong ways...I could go on... Maybe it is just that I have been spoiled by living in New York and having the best of the best all the time. However, even if you compare this food to TGIFridays, it's still on a much lower level. Maybe these people are unable to decipher the difference between good food and crap.

I am really excited to go home and get Thai and Sushi and Pizza! Even though the food here is really bad, I am not going hungry. I feel like since there is a variety of things to try, I find that I must try it all. So I walk around endlessly taking one bite of something and throwing the rest away. I guess maybe I have seen and tried too much so I am hard to impress.

I can't get enough of the ocean. I really would like to live within a close proximity of it when I settle down.

I keep having dreams where something bad happens. Perhaps I feel guilty about being on vacation. Especially a vacation like this where I have no obligations and I am getting absolutely nothing productive done. And I am getting fat, on bad food nonetheless. Oh well. I must go lay by the pool and read. F this VIP section shit. I must find boppy and try to plan an escape to the pueblas!

Hacienda Lifestyle

March, 14, 2009 5:00 PM

Yesterday we headed on the plane early in the AM down to the D.R. The flight was pretty enjoyable. We flew jetBlue. It was only me 2nd time on that airline and I must say that I find it very accommodating. I slept for 2 of the 4 hours and was excited and amazed with the warmth that welcomed me at the airport. After a van ride through the ghetto, we arrived at our beautiful resort. I felt really anthropological witnessing first hand the single-room pueblos scattered along the roadside. This is a third world country after all. I find it interesting the extreme difference of the world outside and inside resort life.

Upon entering the resort, we were warmly welcomed with an alcoholic juice beverage. We got sparkly wrist bands that show that we get all we can eat and drink. There are a lot of spring breakers here. I actually feel old. They must be freshmen or seniors in high school.

The room Boppy and I were assigned was certainly coveted. It has 2 balconies, one with a view of the ocean, and the other overlooking the pool. I feel like I am in paradise. The weather is perfect and everything has been splendid thus far. Yesterday we hung around by the ocean and met some locals who work at the shops alongside the ocean. One of them had a book of interesting adventures one can book. We booked to swim with the dolphins on Tuesday! I am so excited. I hear it is very therapeutic and great fun. It is something I have always wanted to do. I also got a pretty kick ass black and white leopard skin sarong. Last night we went for a free dinner at a seafood restaurant at the resort. It was very pretty and the food wasn't bad. Since I had been drinking all day, I wasn't able to finish my meal. I can see how this free drinking stuff may become a problem.

Today, we got up, ate a breakfast, laid by the pool, ate lunch, laid by the ocean and now we're back at the room resting and getting ready for dinner. I have been reading a lot of Eclipse. I know it's about damn time I finish that book.

I think this is the most beautiful resort I have ever been to.

You're My Aeroplane

Goodbye America!

I am off to the D.R. I won't have much internet. It will be a true vacation. Relaxation and contemplation will be my aim.

Prospects in Prospect Park

Yesterday I wrote a paper and then met up with Blair for Thai food. I know, you're probably sick of hearing me talk about how great he is, but I can't say that I have found anything wrong with him...yet. We had a lovely dinner and then walked around prospect park and got ice cream. Then we snuggled and 'watched' the wire. I know, its cheesy but I can't stop thinking about him. I want to spend ridiculous amounts of time with him. And the best part is, I know the best is yet to come. The more I hang out with him, the more I like him.

le sigh.

Cursive

Played an amazing show the other night. Kim and I went to Bowery and they rocked our worlds. I had an out of body experience and really felt Tony standing next to me at one point. It may have just been all the alcohol, however, I had a great night with Kim.

Yum.

I got Indian food today with Kate and I tried goat. It was pretty good. Kind of tasted like venison.

I noticed that most of my close friends names start with a K/C sound. Carrie, Kim, Kristen, Kate, Katherine, Kristen, Cresensio...you get the point. So I guess, in order to be good friends with me you must have that sound in the beginning of your name.

Also, I have been finding it really awesome that within the last month 2 of my great friends have met/re-met soulmates. It is fun to talk about people coming into our lives and making us really happy.

Soccer Team.

Ok, so I just found out that some of the girls in the sociology grad program are starting a girls soccer team to play against other school's soc. depts. Wooohoo! I am totally gonna join.

St. Paddy

Yesterday, I hadn't realized was the day the St. Patty's parade was going on in Huntington. I was going to get work done, but walked into town with Boppy instead. It was nice to see the team spirit of Huntington. It just kind of sucked that I got nothing done and ate so much. I came home to find Carrie and Erika at my apt. We played clue and watched the Simple Life and then I went to bed. Sundays are supposed to be lazy days.

Class was great today. I am really excited that I only have one class left before I leave for D.R. and it's my favorite. I feel like I am on Vaca already!

The Donkey

Last night I went to see Hollywood Undead and Senses Fail at the Crazy Donkey. I haven't been to a real long island show in a while. I mean, like a real one, not one at a temple or something. I went before Derek just to take in the vibe. There was a whole bunch of 16 year olds. I felt really old and silly. The show was fun. I didn't realized they played with their masks on. I group of random jock-rocker military boys bought me a couple of shots so that was cool.
Afterward, I went to smally's because it was his birthday this week. It was good to see him.
I didn't realize today was the st. patty's day parade. Me and boppy walked into town and drank way too early. I suppose the day is a waste now. Oops, no homework for me.

Spring has Sprung!

Yesterday was gorgeous out and today is even nicer! I leave in a week for D.R. and I can't wait. I am not sure if they have internet there, however, I will have my computer and will post words and pictures after I get back.

I went to a conference on the religious/secular divide at the new school yesterday. I was really looking forward to it, but ever since my psych upped my dosage, I have been super anxious all the time. So I left halfway through to go to Urban Outfitters. I got myself some awesome 20$ purple pants. I have definitely lost weight/toned up since moving into the city/bk. These pants probably wouldn't have fit me a year ago. Yay!

My anthro class was switched from Thurs at 11 to Fri at 6:30. Nobody wanted to be there, but it is my favorite class so whatever. I got back to bk and met up with Carrie and Kim. We went to Union Pool, which is like the watering hole of Williamsburg. There are always weird, creepy guys there, and we always make fun of it. However, they have this sick outdoor area in the back and last night there was a fire in the fire pit. It was such a nice night, so that outdoor area and fire really did the trick. Next we headed to BCC then Grand Morelo's for some 3AM drunken stuff-your-face food.

A Panoply

I did a lot of things yesterday. It was a long day, in the colloquial sense. It started out with a lovely breakfast with Boppy at Mundays. I got the most delicious challah french toast and we talked about...well...everything. Then she drove me to the train and I came back to BK.

Carrie was at the apt when I got back, we spent a bit of time together, then I had to shower and get some work done. I tried to evade most of my work, as usual. Then at 4 I hopped on a train to Columbia to meet with my anthro group. We had to do some fieldwork for out upcoming paper on infrastructure and technology. We took a cab, using it for its mini TV to locate a restaurant to eat dinner at. We observed the mobile TV as a way of observing infrastructure, then we got off in times square and walked to a restaurant. The food was way too spicy, but I got 2 glasses of wine, so I was happy. I feel like I fit in with my group, however they are all undergrads and I believe, at a different stage in their lives than me. It's weird. I mean, I was never into college life in undergrad and they're all up in it. I guess maybe it has something to do with living on campus and being away from home. But I think, even if I did do that in undergrad, I wouldn't have had the same points of excitement and whatnot. Whatever, I guess we're all different, and I can't pinpoint anyone into any specific group. The guy in my group was talking about all the countries he has visited, I was amazied. He's been practically everywhere, and he's only 21.

After dinner, I went to meet up with Blair at the New Museum. I got lost on the train and wound up in south BK. I finally got there around 8 and we checked out the exhibits. They were rather underwhelming. Usually, the New Museum has really innovative, unique stuff, with a great deal of sculpture. Of the 4 floors we checked out, 2 were solely films, both of which I was not terribly interested in. I suppose the most interesting part of this exhibit was the top floor, or information center, where they had the room set up like a detainment camp in Israel. There were sheets pinned to the ceiling, so that peering in seemed more personal and voyeuristic. There were food items in the pantry, messily strewn about, toys sprawled out on the floor, crushed food on bunk beds and a TV played music and video of their culture. (see picture above)

After the museum, Blair and I came back to my apt and watched an episode of 'the Wire' . I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. It is one of those shows where you have to pay really close attention. I don't know how into it I can get. Hopefully it picks up soon. Next I made hot chocolate and Blair and I talked and he played guitar and I played him some recordings. He is a really good listener and is really open minded. I feel like he's so far above me in some ways. Like, even if I tried, I wouldn't be able to not like him because he's so damn nice. Later we watched 'I <3 huckabees' and quickly fell asleep. The heat was on full throttle in the apt and even with 2 windows open I was sweating my ass off.

All in all, a good day.

I LOVE Making Funny Faces...On Ambien.

Ultre.

I have become obsessed with this band 'Ultre'. It's like electronic with cool beats and some strings and no vocals. I have been getting into more mood music lately. I suppose its because its good to study to and I can think to the music without trying to understand the words/sing along with the lyrics. Check em out.

Better and Better

Yesterday I succeeded in doing absolutely nothing productive. I caught up with nip tuck, took a nap and made cupcakes. Kim came out and brought a bottle of wine. It was Erika's birthday, so we met up with her and Carrie at BCC and I brought Erika cupcakes. We took awesome photo booth pictures, met some really awesome/interesting people, and had a pretty rad night. Kim and I got breakfast samiches and OJ in the morning and took a myraid of silly pics. I love that bitch. We always seem to have a really good time together, so I can't go wrong.

Smitten Like A Kitten.

Yesterday was a great day. Not a typical snow day, I suppose, however I did cut my first class. I woke up to find out that NYC public school system was cancelled for the first time in 5 years. I looked out my windows and decided that my 'sociology of expertise' class would just have to do without me. I watched 30 rock, wrote a sad excuse for a song, and sang around the apt with Jason. Later on, I hopped on the train cross town/uptown to school for my night class. We discussed 'The Red and The Black'. A great book, though I only read the spark notes. My teacher was impressed with my response paper, as she had made note of it in class, saying that my opinion was defiant and extraordinary. After class, I had to meet with my group for my anthropology of media class. We sat and talked/planned for an hour and a half, and then I had to do some research.

I decided to take a 'pit stop' at 'bluestockings' (one of the book stores I went to with Blair last week) because he told me I could swing by, if I felt like it. We sat and talked and drank hot beverages and got some school work done. Afterward, we got pizza and he talked me into coming over to watch "the wire". I accepted. We had a really lovely night together. He was a perfect gentleman. The more i learn about him, the more I like him.

Hipsters Vs. Hippies

I feel like hipster's are this generations version of hippies. Just a sociological inference that I came across. The similarities are astounding, I think.

-Both have dirty style-don't shower for days
-Both claim to stand up for liberal and environmental rights
-Both are experimental with drugs
-Both are artistic, and in many cases musicians, or closely follow musicians
-Both wear aviators
-Both are lazy

Ok, maybe this is just what people in their early 20's-early 30's do. But I think the similarities between these two stereotypes are much more profound than say, people of this age group, growing up in the 80's. At least as far as style is concerned.

One major difference I have found, however, is that hipsters are much more narcissistic and image conscious. I guess this goes to show the direction that our society has headed over the years due to an influx of perfected media images imposed upon individuals to get them to obsess more over how they look.

Here they are, the hipster olympics...

Splendid Reading

I did some research for my papers tonight and found a book that I, astonishingly enough, have never read, that is the epitome of what I want to write a future version of later on in life. If you get a chance you MUST read this book. It comes highly recommended by me. It was written a year before I was born, but is still very relevant and is oh so passionately and exquisitely written.

Online Gaming.

I found this awesome article about online gaming (derek, you may be interested in reading this because its sort of about your life). It definitely gave me a better understanding of the virtual world created by gaming online. I mean of course, much of it is assumed, but whatever, I just found this article to be interesting because I know someone (echem Derek) who is all up in the virtual world.

Here is where I would normally post a link, however this website doesn't allow it, so you have to click your way there.

go to www.fastcapitalism.com, click the picture, click issue 4.1, click the picture again, scroll down to the 10th article, by Mike Kent titled Massive Multi-Player Online Games and the Developing Political Economy of Cyberspace'

Dr.Rogers

I went to lunch with my life coach Dr.Rogers today. Somehow, no matter how bad I feel like I am doing in school or in life, she somehow brings me back up to where I belong. We talked about school and the future and what I should do. She gave me a new perspective from which to look at my life. I am SO thankful that I went to Dowling and grew so fond of her/close to her and that she is so compliant with aiding me in my academic success. I really hope I can be this kind of role model/inspirational guider to my students someday.

Kudos to teachers who change lives!

16 Again

Last night Sara, Carrie and I went to the last local show at the temple in Merrick (see long island hand stamp). It was weird to see that some people in the Long Island scene never change. The point of our little escapade was to feel like we were 16 again. I just felt old and out of place. It was nice to see some of the people that were there, but I suppose I have let my academic trajectory take over my social life. Part of me wishes to go back to a simpler time, and the other part believes my eyes have been opened and that I possess something invaluable that not many people are capable of possessing. I am also pretty sure that the fact that I was e-mailing rhetoric of theories of my life to a certain someone caused me to distinguish myself further from the presence of my peers.

After drinking beers in the parking lot and singling loudly to Girltalk after the show, we met up with some kids from way back, who lived in the area. At 1, we hit up Wendy's for some sweet, delicious fats. Next, I was dragged to a lame house party in Babylon, where I knew one person and the girls were really bitchy.

Oh the suburbs. I would have to say, one of my favorite parts about last night, and suburbia in general was/is listening to music en route to a night out. Singing on the top of your lungs while in transit is not something most 'normal' people are capable of doing in the metropolitan area, unless of course you are all obliteratedly drunk; in which place its a lovely time. I do love my girls very much and even though I was a bit crabby, spending time with them always puts me in an elevated mood.

Dani's Shower

I went to a surprise bridal shower for Dani yesterday. We haven't hung out in a while, which makes me sad, but I was really glad Carrie was there so I could have someone to not know anybody with. Carrie and I spent a large part of the day talking about our future weddings. I decided I don't want to spend a lot of money on my wedding. I just want the people that matter the most to be to be there. I also want to get married on a beach and make it a destination wedding. To where, I don't know.

I really don't want a lot of the dumb girly planing. Some girls lives revolve around getting married, but I see it as just another social gathering where people come together to celebrate an event. Yes, a bond is changed in the process of this, but the party that takes months upon months to plan is such an ephemeral fix, so a point where it isnt about the constitution of marriage anymore and more about the superficial commodification of the party itself. I don't know.