Halloween

I have been protesting Halloween a lot this year. This is partly due to the fact that I dressed up as something 3 times in the past month ( a pirate, minnie mouse, and a hippie). I feel like I have been pretending not to be myself too much and am losing myself in the process. I know its a lame excuse. I am going to a Halloween party tonight and was originally going to go as a Marilyn Monroe Vampire, then just a Vampire. I will be neither of these things. Yesterday, I went to Brooklyn to paint over the rainbow doorways (san, I know) and I inherited an afro wig and an electric guitar. I was going to be Jimi Hendrix, but then I started getting dressed and realized I don't have any facial hair (silly, i know). So it kind of looks like I am going as my old roomate Kristen. It's cool. I feel good. I just really, really want to stay home tomorrow. I am such a crotchety old woman when it comes to Halloween. Everyone I know (and their mothers) are going t othe city/bk tomorrrow. I just want to stay home and sleep or something. Ugh sometimes I drive myself crazy. I am pretty sure I will wind up going out, but it will be a last minute thing. I wish I could just make up my mind before hand so i wouldn't have to deal with this unnerving bullshit!!! Anyway, here is what I look like with an afro.

The Dear Hunter

I went to see The Dear Hunter with Jodette and Sara on Wednesday night. I must say that I haven't been to such a great show in a while. They were awesome. They are one of my favorite bands at the moment. I mean, the song/story writing is just brilliant. I talked to Casey (the musical genius behind it all) after the show. I felt like I was 16 all over again. I even bought a hoodie! (I know what a lame-o, but I had fun).

Bad Dream

I just had a bad dream about teaching again. It is really coming down to the wire, and I know that no matter how much preparation i do, I will never be fully prepared for what is going to happen on Tuesday. I had the worst dream last night that all my students kept standing up and disrespecting me, and I kept having to tell them to shut their mouths. At a certain point, I went to go notify the authorities, and at another I threw a shoe at one of my students cause he hit me first. My powerpoint slides got lost and I was speechless. It was a really scary dream. The epitome of everything I don't want to happen on the first day of class. Well, no matter what, nothing could be as bad as my dream...I suppose that's the bright side.

Maybe (my mantra)

Nico Anders Lives for the Summer

I think if you have a positive outlook in life, everything seems to happen for a reason. I met two wonderful people today when I missed my train. Its strange how similar people seem to connect when in the same mindset. I feel like the world network really is strong and if you seem to believe the world makes sense, it makes sense.

On my train ride home tonight, I started watching videos from Taiwan. I realize that I live for the summer. Don't get me wrong, I love the profession that I have chosen, but what I love more is the opportunity it gives me to travel and make sense of travel. I love to be able o assign deeper meaning to the things I enjoy most. One of the most gratifying things to me is going somewhere that was once foreign and trying to understand the construction of social norms. I know, I am a total dork. Anyway, from viewing and reviewing my videos from Taiwan, I realized something. That time and place was great, amazing, incredible...however, it was only temporary and was only supposed to last for that long. If I went back there today, it would not feel the same, but would almost feel like a corpse of what once was. I would have too high expectations and would undoubtedly be disappointed. If you travel to distant lands, you never know what to expect, therefore you cannot be disappointed, because there is a void in your foresight. This is why travel is so great. This is why I live for the summer.

Professor Andersen

I just love it when people call me that. I went to a final meeting before teaching yesterday and now I have to make my syllabi and start prepping for the first day of class. I am so very excited. I should probably watch The Freedom Writers once more, before I begin. I just know that I am too idealistic. I am going to want everyone to love the class and have fun in it, but I know that most of my students are going to be aching to get out of the classroom. I have to maintain my current mantra and expect less. That seems to work, keeping my expectations low and then always being pleasantly surprised.

Sleepyhead.

I have become slightly obsessed with this song.

I am going this summer!!!

Healthcare Crisis!

Ugh today I woke up with a pretty bad hang over in Brooklyn and a 10am suggested phone call time to talk to Nathalia about my applications. She laughed about the paper a wrote yesterday for about 10 minutes. That didn't feel too good, but in my defense, I didn't know what I was doing.

After that I had a dermatologist appointment at 5:15. I got lost for about 45 minutes on my way there. All the google maps sites were confusing the streets, so I couldn't be right no matter what. Then I finally get to the doctor and she is in the room for about 60 seconds to diagnose me and then leaves her medical assistant to write the prescription. I felt completely slighted. This was a fine demonstration of how the use of separate doctors visits suck, and we should all just go to a family physician for everything. America's doctors are becoming hyper-specialized and turned into machines without compassion or the ability to give quality care! I am sitting in my psychs office waiting to get my meds. I wonder how late she will be tonight.

Tarot

So I have been stressin' over switching from vacation, clear-headed Nico to work-oriented, stressed-out Nico. I have remained calm on the inside, but I have noticed that my interactions have shifted, in a way. I did my Tarot cards last night. I don't know how much I believe that Tarot works for everyone, I just find it to be a good way to channel my energy and produce something positive. It gives me a chance to focus and interpret and hopefully make positive changes. Last night, I did a really good reading. It described where I am, where I am headed, what is difficult for me, what i understand and what my ultimate goal. is. The first card I drew, symbolizing my past, was 'Death'. This is actually not meant to represent death in the morbid sense, but a death which leads to a new beginning. In my case, it symbolized the end of my summer, and the beginning of my heightened awareness of my self, and of course the birth of my new work schedule. This card also implies a heightened consciousness, because in ancient tarot beliefs, death was a new start into a more spiritual life. The second card, symbolizing where I am headed was the Queen of Swords. This card symbolizes a heightened awareness of situations occurring around the individual. It may represent solitude and loneliness, but only as a result of a renewed consciousness. I have noticed that things do not affect me like they once have. Like I float above and perceive happenings as temporal and quotidian, only lasting a short time and not concerning me. These two cards really helped me to see where I am headed and to accept these changes as a part of my intellectual and wanderlust-prone life.

American Idol

This is how my version of No one should have sounded like. Ugh. I love him.

RIP Jamie Barden

I just found out last night that my friend Jamie fell asleep Monday night and didn't wake up Tuesday morning. He always said he would never make it to 30. I am really glad that he came to NY before he passed. I feel really bad for his best friend/girlfriend Trish. I think they were going to get married.

Since I am in Florida and broke, there is no way I could go to Ireland for the wake/funeral. I went to Epcot and drank a Guinness for him between the English pub and the Irish food stand. When I was about to leave Ireland after our wonderful 2 weeks together, Jay and I realized that I hadn't had one Guinness. So he said "I suppose we should have a guinness to send you off the right way". So I had a guinness to send him off. RIP. You will be missed.