woes.

So essentially, this blog is for me. I haven't had a blog in years...so bear with me.
Usually I start em up and then leave em to collect dust somewhere in the virtual world. I need to work on my writing, so I believe this is a good vehicle to get out some sort of feelings and be constructive while I do it.

I just realized that I'm an alcoholic. I allow myself to be such because I am 22 and a graduate student. I hope writing about things instead of running to the bottle might help me to come off the booze a bit. It is just really hard to quit something when peer pressure is so prevalent.

While I was realizing that I have this problem, I realized that I have never been in love. This realization put me in a glum mood all day. I believe this may lie at the root of my drinking problem, age and occupation aside. I evaded most responsibility today because my tremendous hangover prohibited my brain of working on a cohesive level.

Okay, I suppose this would be a good time for me to talk about who I am. I am a sociology masters student. I LOVE talking to people. I love to be different. I am bubbly and love to laugh and make other people laugh. I have my own style. I am an artist and a musician, but I do these things not for the public, but for my own state of well being. I love to read. I love astrology. I love philosophy. I love French inspired things. I love to travel. I am very forgiving, to the extent that I think some people walk all over me. I am totally blunt. Sometimes I don't realize how much unnecessary information I give out to people who don't need to know so much. I try really hard at school, because I am a firm believer in the more you know the better off you are. I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my pup. I love loving. I believe in true love, however this concept is becoming more and more difficult for me to truly conceive of.

I am really glad the Columbia workload hasn't reared its ugly head yet. Next week I probably wont have a social life. I guess that's a good thing. I wont be able to think about how lonely it is in this tiny studio apartment far far away from the people closest to me. I always wanted to move to another country or state by myself. But moving an hour away from home is proving to be more difficult than I could have ever imagined.

Enough of my complaining. I am giving myself a headache.

Usually, I am a very upbeat, bubbly, inspirational person. Seasonal depression always kicks in around this time of year. ugh. I should probably get a cat, or some sort of pet to keep me company this winter. I hear Columbia boys are too busy and not looking for "the one" yet. As much fun as I have playing the field, I want someone I can watch movies with, who will cheer me up when I'm sad, who I can kiss and bum around museums with, have philosophical discussions with, who can make me laugh and who understands what an extraordinary person I am. Extra-ordinary may be how it's spelled, but I find it strange that it means the total opposite. hmph.

I am hoping to inspire, not to bore.

I have really great friends and a really great family. I am really really lucky. I should just be thankful. But once you've become used to your life, no matter how great or disappointing it is, you can't help but get depressed sometimes. I suppose it's just part of the human condition. It is true that the sweet isn't as sweet without the sour. And that your life is what you make of it. For me. I want to teach adults. Teach them things they never knew they wanted to know. I will teach informally, in a conversationalist style like Aristotle. I will rule the class with my humorous wit. People will like my classes so much they will want to pursue a career in the social sciences. I hope. I am not egotistical or presumptuous, I just have high hopes.

Anyway. I think I may be babbling. yep. I am.

good night NYC.